


Markers and Memories

by SickSadWorldLady



Category: Veronica Mars - All Media Types
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-01
Updated: 2014-11-16
Packaged: 2018-02-23 12:26:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 29,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2547452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SickSadWorldLady/pseuds/SickSadWorldLady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"The problem with letting sex do the talking, however, was that sex often left out details. It skipped right over pragmatism, and when you’re fighting hard to avoid reality you don’t consult a lot of checklists. So they left it to the 1% chance her birth control wouldn’t fail--and if ever there was a duo to whom chance would kick in the ass if opportunity knocked, it was them."</p><p>Fairly fluffy imagining of Logan and Veronica's life approximately a year and a half after the movie ends. Told from Veronica's POV in a series of important moments during her pregnancy and flashbacks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own any of these characters--Rob, the writers, and the actors who portrayed them do, and I can't imagine coming close to representing them in their complete likeness. I just own the story I chose to make up and I hope you like it.
> 
> I'd also like to thank the posters here for inspiration. This is my first fanfic and I'm still figuring it out, but there are some tremendous writers out there, Marshmellows.

-Prologue-

“Come back to me.”

“Always, just like last time, just like next time.”

It wasn’t like last time however. Last time they had been together just two weeks. An intense two weeks of sex, studying each other, and more sex. 

When he left, she was busy re-adjusting to life back in Neptune. Her dad’s rehab kept her plenty busy, as did the casework that was piling up. Little cases that needed to be solved, and she was the one left to solve them. There were friends to catch up with, loose ends to tie up, at least enough to keep her busy for five months, leaving her only a month to really miss him.

Stepping off the ship six months ago, she knew things had changed. He calmly walked over, grinning with a slight tilt of his head.

“Hi.”

“Six months and all I get is a hi?”

Taking her hip in his hand, he wrapped his other arm around her back and pushed his lips against her, gently but with force, opening his mouth just a little as she bit down ever so slightly on his lower lip, breathing life into her.

“More to your liking?”

The next six months followed a similar pattern. Their first two weeks, before he’d left initially, had been all about re-learning each other’s ticks and crevices, getting used to each other again. The six months they had together were spent growing attached to each other, counting on each other, and trusting each other like never before. She was terrified it would all change now. 

“Everything will be ok. I’ll be back in 180 days and we’ll still be us. Nothing is going to change that now.”


	2. Chapter 1

-Chapter 1-

 

She sat down in front of the screen and adjusted the camera. It seemed unnecessary; there was a little black dot staring at her already, armed with all the technology she needed, but when one of Southern California’s tech queens, and your best friends, hands you the latest technology you can’t refuse.

 

Anyways, the camera gave her something to fidget with as her hands played around, flying from the cylindrical tube perched atop the laptop up to her hair, pushing it behind her ear and messing it up again, settling back on the keyboard.

 

The screen lit up and the nerves shot through her like a taser. Hundreds of volts of gripping power, out of her control, ripped through her.

 

Suddenly a face popped on screen, a little blurry and boxy, familiar and yet completely foreign. She tried to smile, to contain, to play a role, scrolling through her mental rolodex for the right one.

 

“Howdy sailor,” she tried to coo.

 

“You know, I don’t think we’ve fully taken advantage of this situation,” the face replied back, a little choppy, but smile cocked slightly to the left. A smile she knew. Dripping with sarcasm, hiding. Not really a smile even, just the ever-so-slight curl of his lips. Sometimes it betrayed him, but most of the time it did it’s job. “I’m invoking rank and changing that first thing when I get home.”

 

“Who made you the boss?” Was she pulling it off?

 

“What’s wrong Veronica?” Apparently not.

 

\----

 

Logan Echolls was three months into his most recent tour in Afghanistan. A pilot captain in the United States Navy, he now embodied the bad boy turned American Hero archetype to a “T” in the media’s eyes. The only son of action star turned philanderer and murderer Aaron Echolls, Logan had been privy to his father’s violent habits early on. Whipped. Spanked. Hit. His inner torture making way to a cocky, arrogant, and flirting on evil young adult. Later, his after school activities--drugs, booze, violence, and in one instance, organizing bum fights--would be explained away by his dad’s affair with, and murder of, his high school girlfriend Lilly Kane, his mother’s suicide, and his orphaning at 17, with a little poor misunderstood rich boy thrown in for good measure. Truthfully though, there was a little darkness that seemed to persist that couldn’t be so easily explained.

 

Veronica Mars knew this. She knew that as reformed as Logan was, he would probably always be somewhat troubled. He may have turned himself into a poster child for the Armed Services’ claim to turn boys into men, but she’d seen him ignite last year at their high school reunion. Watched him attack, rabid, someone who hurt her, channeling frustration into rage. The same streak he’d shown the first time the infamous not-quite sex tape surfaced, first on her boyfriend and fellow subject Stosh ‘Piz’ Piznarski, and later on the son of the mob boss who had actually recorded it. It was the same veracity, the same rawness, his father had demonstrated as he beat, blow-by-blow, his half-sister’s abusive boyfriend twelve years ago.

 

She knew Logan’s violence usually came as a result of an inability to communicate. Not always with the person his fist was connecting with, mind you, but usually with Veronica herself. His fists told a story his words couldn’t. I love you. I hate you. I need to protect you. You’re breaking my heart. She knew he wouldn’t dare touch her, saw the excruciating pain in his eyes when he hurt her, but it was there, and all the naval training in the world couldn’t knock it out completely. It was like matter or energy, it could shift, change forms, but it never stopped existing.

 

For Veronica’s part she had her own way of hiding from their relationship, and him. She’d bury herself in cases, the meticulousness of mystery, the seeds of loneliness and mistrust it planted, put up a wall as tall as Logan’s violence. And then there was that time she cut all ties and physically ran away for nine years. Neither of them really held much of a lead in the significant other category.

 

It had been a great 15 months, but Logan had been gone for nearly nine of them. There had been nine years of silence before then, and to say their romance had been tumultuous from the start would be undermining it’s very existence. They loved each other, that was certain. Beyond any teenage rom-com fantasy they respected each other, albeit with tenuous reserve and a healthy dose of cynicism, and shared an ease of wit and tongue that was undeniable. They also never lacked passion. A twisty, fiery, complex, and sometimes dangerous passion.

 

\--

 

“I’m fine. Are you alone?” She figured this wasn’t an all hands on deck kind of conversation. In fact, she’d prefer not to be having it to a little white camera at all, but at the very least she’d rather be as alone as possible. She’d postponed long enough.

 

“You’re scaring me here a little.”

 

“I’m fine, I promise. Just answer the question Captain.”

 

“Yes.”

 

She was stalling again. Laying propped up against the pillows on his bed, she inhaled. Even though she’d been spending more nights there recently, giving her dad and his new girlfriend their space, it still smelled faintly of Logan, of nostalgia, youth. It seemed so far away. And it was.

 

“So I need you to remain calm.”

 

“No problem Veronica. You’ve given me all the comfort in the world so far, and you know, there’s my family history of rash, well-thought out actions. So please, do go ahead.” He snapped back.

 

She took a deep breath. “I’ll keep that in mind, thanks. So remember that night just before you left?”

 

Instinctively his eyebrows shot up and that same smirk emerged, only bigger and more mischievous. “Why Mrs. Mars, you’re making me blush.” He batted his eyelashes. “Yes, I’ve thought about it from time-to-time.”

 

“I should be flattered, but you’re on boat with hundreds of mostly men. Doesn’t seem like a tough competition.”

 

“Oh you should be flattered,” he whispered, leaning in just slightly, filling up more of the screen. So close the newly prominent angles on his face reflected the light like a prism. “I have quite a database to draw from. But that was some choice material. Penthouse would be proud.”

 

Turning her head low to the right, she found herself blushing just a little at the thought. That was one place the pair had never had a problem connecting.

 

She paused and brought her head back level, straight to the screen she stared, not at Logan, just at the screen. Steady. “Well surprise, I’ve got nine months of remembering.”

 

It was a little abrupt, but wasn’t with them?

 

His eyes shot straight to the screen. He was so still it as though the screen had frozen on her for a second, any minute now she’d get that choppy feed speeding up to current time in front of her. But it wasn’t frozen, he was.

 

Seconds later though something happened that Veronica could barely believe. Logan smiled. A genuine smile completely devoid of pretense. And it stayed there, gravity failing momentarily, keeping his lips upright.

 

“Are you telling me your sailor has good swimmers?” The smile hadn’t faded. There was a mischievous twinkle in the corner of his eye, but the smile stayed.

 

“I guess I caught quite the seaman.” She joked back.

 

They stared at each other, smiling, for a couple seconds, not really registering the first part.

 

Then the smile faded.

 

\--

 

At it’s inception, Veronica and Logan’s romantic relationship was a teenage answer to angst, frustration, and undeniable chemistry (both personality and the literal hormones of adolescence). An unexpected kiss led to secret makeout sessions, finally giving way to a shaky relationship. It followed a similar pattern, ebbing and flowing in the unhealthiest of ways, until the end of their freshman year of college when Veronica cut ties with Logan following said incident with Piz and set off for Stanford.

 

When Veronica returned to Neptune almost a year and a half ago to help Logan fight the murder charge of his ex-girlfriend she didn’t expect to stay. Well she told herself she wasn’t staying anyways. Truthfully, as soon as she picked up the scent of a case again she was a goner, and it was only a matter of time before she ran away from the safe, expected life she’d made in New York. Everyone else may have seen her decision as Logan over Piz, but Veronica was certain that wasn’t it.

 

It was never about that. Ok, maybe just a little.

 

Sure it was easy to boil it down to location, location, location. She’d stayed in Neptune where Logan was, leaving New York and subsequently Piz. In reality though, she stayed in Neptune because her heart was with detective work. Try as she might, the search for justice, the thrill of pursuit, was too much to abandon. There was a sense of loyalty she felt to righting wrongs in Neptune, fighting the good fight on the front line.   

 

Logan, in turn, scared her. The emotional toll and commitment it took to stay with him was more than she was ready for, and frankly more than she thought she might ever be ready for, but it was easy to fall back into bed, into old habits, and in love, and so she hadn’t fought it.

 

\--

 

“Care to look a little more like you just saw a ghost?” He looked wounded. Gravity was back. She had known it was a matter of time, she just wished the good times had rolled for a couple more minutes, maybe even until their next talk.

 

“What do you want me to say Logan?” She’d come into the fight fists poised, and apparently the announcer was calling into the ring now. “Do you want to have a kid? Are you ready for that? Are you jumping up and down because we were too drunk/happy/careless/stupid to use a condom?”

 

He didn’t flinch. “To start, I want you to tell me you’re not teetering on the verge of a Mariah Carey meltdown.” You’d think a guy who had watched a video of his mom jump off a bridge, and had stood by as a friend Mary Poppins’d himself off a roof might shy away from suicide references. Not her Logan.

 

“Well,” her eyes softened a little and her muscles relaxed. “I’m not cliff-spotting, yet.” She wasn’t entirely lying. Scared, yes, but not manic. In truth, she wasn’t entirely sure what she was feeling, and that in and of itself made her nervous.

 

“What does that mean?” He wasn’t giving up easy. He never did, and she’d never been able to hide much from him like she could on the job.

 

“I don’t know. I’m scared. I’m nervous. I’m anxious. But mostly I’m confused. Happy?” The last part said through a smile of gritted teeth.

 

He relaxed a little and slouched back.

 

“I’m sorry,” he said, looking right at her for the first time in minutes. “I just got this picture of a little girl in my head, like you. Tiny, annoying, determined.” A tiny smile appeared to tilt upward on the left side of his mouth. “It was nice, even if terrifying.”

 

He paused, seemingly trying to recapture the now fuzzy image, blinking it back into existence.  

 

“Maybe our love can withstand years and continents, but a kid doesn’t deserve that.”

 

He had first said it to her 12 years ago, in a drunken haze following the Anti-Prom he had held senior year. A dramatic, over-the-top, totally Logan Echolls declaration. One which he promptly forgot the next morning--his best friend’s stepmom draped around him--when Veronica returned to reciprocate. Then it seemed insane, but sweet, and most of all unnerving.  

 

He said it again when he’d left for his first tour after they’d gotten back together. Then, filled with bliss from the preceding two weeks the thought seemed almost romantic, if still a little silly. Playful.

 

Now it seemed ridiculous and childish again. He was right. She had succombed momentarily to the romanticism of a happy family unit. Her mother ruined that dream of hers loooong ago. This was a shot at another. Sure she had her dad, who she loved as both father figure and best friend, but in a pit she didn’t like to explore she missed her mother too sometimes.

 

Their love might be epic, but that didn’t solve anything. He still had more than three months on his current tour. Then what? A baby doesn’t need a love songs were written about, it needs stability and safety. Neither of this kid’s parents had either in spades.

 

“So what do we do?” We was a good start she supposed.

 

“I’m not really sure.”

 

“Well I can deduce it’s been about two and a half months, if my math serves me correctly.”

 

“Yup.” She knew where this was going and she didn’t like it.

 

“So how long have you known then?” Bingo.

 

“Almost a month.” There it was. Round two was set to commence momentarily.

 

“Jesus Christ Veronica, a month? What made you decide today to tell me after all? Figured you might as well let your boyfriend know he inseminated you awhile back. The last two times we talked it just never came up?”

 

Boom.

 

Not skipping a beat she started in, the bell had rung and the match was officially on.  

 

“Well I didn’t keep a diary, but the general entries probably would have gone something like, fuck, I’m now a Lifetime movie. The pregnant barely-making-ends-meat private detective living at home with her dad, and a boyfriend in the Navy on tour for four more months, with whom, up until recently, they couldn’t co-exist for two weeks without having the other followed, breaking up, or fighting a murder charge.”

 

Breathe Veronica.

 

“Oh and funny thing, speaking of your history of rash well thought out decision-making, I didn’t exactly love the idea of telling you about potential future lamaze classes before you hoped into a jet halfway across the world. Because you know, Mr. King of Rationality, I didn’t want you killed. You don’t have the greatest history here.”

 

“That was twelve years ago Veronica, and you accused me of killing my ex-girlfriend, your best friend,” He was very quiet, but there was an obvious anger in his voice. “I had a right to know a month ago. You didn’t have to deal with it alone.” His last words appeared to soften ever so slightly.

 

“What if I wanted to though? What if I needed to decide how I felt about it.”

 

“I don’t get that chance.” He retorted.

 

Once again he was right, but she didn’t think it was unfair. He didn’t have to deal with it every single moment, even now that he knew. It wouldn’t keep him from throwing back a beer after a long day, wouldn’t cause him to get up in the morning like a drunk student on spring break, but without the booze, wouldn’t make him watch his step, that much more carefully, trying to avoid unnecessary crash landings. And most of all, even it wasn’t fair to him, Logan wouldn’t spend nights worried about how to break the news to his guaranteed to be disappointed parental unit and friends.

 

\--

 

_There’d been a going away party for Logan held by one of the nearest and dearest who’d come running back to him after the murder charges were cleared. Neither of them wanted to go, Veronica because frankly she despised most of those people, and Logan because pulling him out of the privacy of his bedroom had been a constant struggle during his six months stateside. But they did anyways--at least for about half an hour._

_When they got back to Logan’s, however, their impending reality made its presence felt. A year was by far the longest they had dated (it came perilously close to the longest continuous relationship either of them had had period), and even taking out the six months they spent apart that still left them with about as much time together as their summer after senior year and first few months of college. Now they were once again about to be ripped apart for six months and so much was left unsaid, floating around but never landing on anyone’s tongue. Would they continue in this cycle of half years forever, or at least until Logan decided to take a desk job? Was that so bad? Did they really want anything different? Would he be moved next time? Did he want to stay in the Navy? Would he keep surviving, or would he eventually run out of the luck that had thus far been his saving grace from his propensity for dangerous situations?_

_Like the couple they were, instead of facing these questions, they drank, and watched a movie, and eventually decided to screw away all the pain and unknowns, exploring each other physically as they didn’t dare explore the other emotionally. They spent most of the night exploring and forgetting and fucking. It was the only place they were always in at that the same time, a safe space they could count on._

_And of course, at some point in all their forgetting, they forgot something else too: a condom._

_It wasn’t like either of them. Veronica was meticulous and steadfast in her approach to everything, including, actually especially, this. Logan, meanwhile, was fairly cautious in his own right, at one point attracting a stream of questionable partners likely to leave you a surprise of some kind if you weren’t careful._

_The problem with letting sex do the talking, however, was that sex often left out details. It skipped right over pragmatism, and when you’re fighting hard to avoid reality you don’t consult a lot of checklists. So they left it to the 1% chance her birth control wouldn’t fail--and if ever there was a duo to whom chance would kick in the ass if opportunity knocked, it was them._

 

\--

 

“Maybe not, but you know now, so what’s next.”

 

“I don’t know, you’re the one with a month’s worth of soul searching; I’ve had five whole minutes.” Ouch.

 

“I don’t know either. I didn’t plan out a future or go buy a crib in the last month. I mostly just avoided it, shocking I know, and when I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about it I wondered how to tell you, what to tell you, how you would take it.” Now she started to feel exhausted, like this conversation would never end even though they only had about ten minutes left.

 

“Do you want to keep it?” Did she? They’d been dancing around the subject for minutes now, not yet broaching it, but clearly remaining forefront for both of them.

 

“Do you? Are you ready for this?”

 

“Am I ready? Absolutely not. Will I ever be? I don’t know. In the few minutes I’ve had to process it have I thought about how much simpler it would be if we did get rid of it? Truthfully yeah.” He looked as tired as she did. “That doesn’t mean it’s what I want.”

 

Silence erupted between them for a moment, filling every crevice with it’s girth.

 

“I’m asking you again, is that what you want?”

 

Is it what she wanted? Wouldn’t it be easier? It’s not like she wasn’t pro-choice. She was, she’d even helped take down a scummy pro-life group once upon a life ago. They had never talked kids, marriage, family. They were happy, stable, something they’d never been. Adding in another variable had never been good for their relationship, what would make this different, other than being something from which they couldn’t physically run away. Instead she heard herself say softly, eyes dropping slightly before lifting to meet his:

 

“No, I don’t think it’s what I want.”

 

Neither of them spoke for a moment, letting the decision she’d apparently just made for them sink in. Logan Echolls and Veronica Mars: parents. As if.  

 

He half smiled as he sighed. “I guess we’re going to do this then? Kids, minivan, bulk food marts with free samples.”

 

“You don’t want that.”

 

“Neither do you.” He stopped a second, staring at her, taking her in. He was searching her, coming dangerously close to a landmine, so close she nearly had to turn away. “But I want you. And this, this baby isn’t going to change that. I’ve spent 12 years wanting you Veronica Mars. One of you couldn’t keep me away, one and half of you isn’t about to stop me.”

 

\--

 

They didn’t talk much about the nine years they spent at opposite ends of the paradoxical universe. They knew the basics, and filled in the blanks on their own when someone parsed out information in a story. It was a don’t ask don’t tell policy they’d agreed to silently. She knew enough about his relationship with ex-girlfriend, pop singer, and former classmate Carrie Bishop, and he knew he didn’t want to know anything about her second go-round with Piz. She asked him why he’d joined the Navy, and he asked her about law school. Otherwise it was as if nine years had poofed into thin air. All they needed to know was that whatever had happened had mellowed them each out just the slightest. Whatever Logan saw in the Navy and with Carrie had been enough to set straight a few of his own demons. Helping those otherwise worse than you can sometimes have that effect, as Veronica knew well enough.

 

Still, what remained unsaid left a crater they’d eventually need to explore. Even if Logan had been a narcissistic ass in their final encounter, Veronica had run, she’d abandoned him again. She had a real knack for doing that. He never questioned it to her, letting bygones be, but she knew he craved an answer. Moreso, he begged for reassurance that this time she’d stay.

 

\--

 

“Can we do this?” She knew she’d answered from the heart a moment ago, but her mind was the one that controlled her mouth now.

 

“Sure we CAN. We are fully capable of being responsible for someone else, of raising a kid. As long as it’s the right decision. I just need you to promise me it’s the right decision. Kids don’t deserve...” He trailed off and she knew old demons were surfacing. “Well you know.”

 

“I know.” And she did.

 

It may not have been her initial thought, but after weeks of ignoring her lack of monthly reminder of fertility and independence, Aaron Echolls’ popped into her brain shortly after reading that first test.

 

She remembered the first time she had learned Logan’s childhood might not have been covered in tinsel afterall. He and his half-sister had been sparing, realizing he’d truly lost his mother, and Trina made a quip about cigarette butts. Logan plowed on, but it didn’t miss Veronica what Trina was talking about, and Logan’s short pause and blow-by pretty much confirmed to her that it wasn’t a lie. Aaron Echoll’s, everyone’s favorite local action star, abused his son. The same son who now appeared withdrawn from reality, angry, always, lashing out at those he perceived disloyal, the one’s who got too close. Later her psychology books would teach her the classic signs of abuse, but she already knew them by then, she’d witnessed them up close.

 

He wouldn’t touch her, he never had, and she was certain he wouldn’t touch their child. Nonetheless, it was a nasty reminder of the monster Logan would never be able to shake. The thing she was sure he was going to think about when she did tell him, and another thing to keep him up at night.

 

\--

 

“Hey I’m going to have to hop off in a minute. Tonight we’re being served only the finest cuisine. America’s front line and all.” He flipped on his best unaffected voice, trying to cool the tension.

 

“Just remember, I’m the only one allowed to have a gut when you come back,” she replied, attempting to match his tone.

 

“We’ll figure this out Veronica.”

 

“Well we’ve got six months. Past Veronica and Logan would be able to squeeze in a couple breakups, maybe a homicide charge. Really, this’ll be a breeze.”

 

“The idea of being a family, of having a family… with you...” She briefly thought he might lose it but he quickly fought it down. “I don’t do much right here; but I will do this right. Whatever that is and whatever that takes. I will do this right. I promise you, Veronica, I will.”

 

“I know.”

 

“I’ll email you, try and find another time as soon as possible.”

 

“Ok. Be safe.”

 

“You too.”

  
And with that he was gone, and as she closed the laptop and detached the camera she sank further back into the bed.


	3. Chapter 2

-Chapter 2-

 

She couldn’t tell her dad. Not yet. She wanted to wait for Logan to come home, but she didn’t think she’d be able to get away with maternity wear for three months. She knew she’d have to tell him, and her best friends Wallace Fennel and Cindy ‘Mac’ MacKenzie. All Team Piz.

 

It’s not so much that she’d want Logan with her when she told them, far from it, but she at least wanted him in town, a place to run to, someone to hide with. It was a pattern for her.

 

Instead she did what she knew would make her feel best, and what she knew her dad and Logan found a shared understanding, work. The two might not find a ton of common ground, but her safety and well-being were at least foremost for both. Private Eye didn’t satisfy either of their ideal ways to keep Veronica safe, but she was who she was and right now a little jolt of unrelated adrenaline was what she needed.

 

Easing Logan’s navy BMW onto the Pacific Coast Highway, Veronica allowed the experience to warm over her, much like the beating sun above. How she loved this car. Luxurious but not pretentious, it rumbled lightly under her while the leather cloaked her in a soft cushion. Like her, strong and slick on the outside, surprisingly soft on the inside.

 

Today she was following another wealthy, likely philandering, husband, by far the most requested service at Mars Investigations.

 

These were the easy cases, the ones to keep the engined rev’d, like turning a car on in the winter months just to make sure it didn’t die. Every one couldn’t be the “big” one. So she’d volunteered to tail Mr. Vincent to get away from her problems, maybe to get one step closer to that big case. Probability reasoned that it would come soon, that next make or break moment for Mars Investigations.

 

She drove on, trying to distance herself from the growing situation inside her, ultimately failing. A meticulous observer of the human condition, she had never had as good a grasp on her own inner workings. It was part of both what drew her to, and pulled her violently away from, Logan. He saw through her, straight through to what she couldn’t. Piz was a great guy, they almost all were, but he was too nice to call her out. Maybe that’s even why she ended up here, in this moment. If Piz had been Logan he wouldn’t have let her just walk back to her old life, he’d have yelled and fought and called her out on her obvious bullshit. That no, she wasn’t just going back to help Logan find a lawyer. He’d have told her the truth, she wasn’t happy in New York. Content, but not happy. Unfortunately, Piz wasn’t Logan, and that’s why they functioned for awhile, but ultimately didn’t work.

 

No one was Logan. Not even Wallace. He tried, but he, too, was just too damn nice. Sure, he occasionally grilled Veronica when necessary, but he never had the eerie insight into exactly what was making her tick, what gear was going off in her head, and how much time was left until the next detonation.

 

Keith Mars came closest, but that was a mixture of paternal intuition and the intimate knowledge of a similarly built machine. He was wickedly smart, smart enough to see his own genetic roadmap and past choices playing out in the movie he’s already watched.

 

With Logan though, he always knew exactly what to push, where to pull. It was infuriating, how he could manipulate his intimate knowledge of her, but like any good detective also an irresistible quality in a mate.

 

She had spent a month thinking of how not to think about the child growing inside her, and she knew in avoiding it she had already made a decision. She still had a couple weeks if they suddenly changed their minds, but that was it. Veronica had never been one to coo over every chubby-cheeked cherub, as many of her former classmates now seemed to, but she also knew that one look at her child, _their_ child and she wouldn’t be able to let go. It was already happening. As terrified as she was, she couldn’t help marvel at what was going on inside her, at how she’d gotten there, the decidedly different path her life took thirteen years ago.

 

Logan and Veronica were not destined to be together, if you believe in that sort of thing. If you believed in their destiny you’d have to believe in the need for Lilly Kane’s death, and Veronica refused to do so.

 

No, Veronica didn’t believe in destiny. She believed you made your own choices. But even she couldn’t deny the way they were pulled together, time and time again.

 

\--

 

Pulling up to her old stomping ground, the Camelot Motel, Veronica couldn’t shake the question of whether she was doing the right thing. If she dealt with it now she thought she’d be ok, but would she? She wondered if she’d pull away from Logan, blaming him for a decision he hadn’t really made. It’s what she did.

 

At the same time though, could they really do this? Logan had told her they could, but there was so much to figure out. Would he get another six months stateside? Would he be able to be there when their child was born? What would they do when he was eventually deployed again? She’d held her breath daily for almost nine months during their relationship, she didn’t know if she could do it while raising a child too. A person had to sleep at some point.

 

Positioning her camera to focus on the top corner of the seedy motel where she knew Mr. Vincent would be, she noticed exactly what she was looking at. It was the very spot where she and Logan had first kissed over a decade ago. Suddenly she couldn’t help herself, she broke down completely for the first time since she’d seen those little blue lines a month ago.

 

She’d spent a month feeling every emotion on the planet, not too mention tasting her breakfast twice more often than not. It was too much to handle alone and she wasn’t ready to tell her dad yet, so instead she drove to Wallace’s apartment. Mr. Vincent would be back tomorrow; he hadn’t skipped a session yet, the proof would still be hers for the taking if she waited 24 hours.

 

\--

 

Wallace lived in a garden style apartment near the beach, similar to the one she and her dad had moved to after he’d been run out as sheriff. Exhausted, she sunk down in front of his door and waited until he got home, which she figured would be any minute now. It was summer and basketball hadn’t started yet, so he was likely to come straight home after school.

 

Looking down at her phone, she willed it to do something, give her something to pass the time.

 

“Dick finally kick you out?”

 

Veronica looked up to see her best friend standing over her, grinning from ear-to-ear. It was one of the things she loved most about Wallace: his genuine smile, unjaded, warm, unlike everyone else she knew.

 

Standing up she tried to return his smile, “Hey buddy,” but she couldn’t, she lost it again.

 

“What’s wrong V?” He wrapped himself around her, deftly opening the door to his apartment while letting her sob into his chest. She took a breath and turned into Wallace’s apartment.

 

Following him to the couch she buried herself once again in the crock of his arm. He let her cry it out, heave up and down, tears sloshing onto his button-down shirt. Finally, she felt as if there was nothing left in her, her breathing slowed down, and she sat up, turning to face him.

 

“I’m pregnant.”

 

His reaction was similar to Logan’s, his eyes widened and he froze for a second, before leaning in to hug her tightly.

 

“Oh V.”

 

“So that’s my life, how was school?” She tried to perk up; she couldn’t bear putting all this on him. Just the act of crying, of wringing herself dry, had helped.  

 

“What did Logan say? Is that why you’re here? I swear I’ll kill him.” For once Wallace’s eyes were dark, a rage she’d never seen in him before, but not an altogether unfamiliar one.

 

“Relax cowboy,” she laughed, a hearty laugh, the first in awhile. Even though his eyes had grown dark, she knew he was all talk and it comforted her. Too many of the people in her life had that darkness, were ready to lash out instantaneously. She needed Wallace’s calming presence. “Logan was actually really supportive, almost eerily so, and said he’d support whatever I do. He almost looked happy if you can believe that.”

 

Wallace looked thoroughly confused and Veronica took the opportunity to go on. “I dunno Wallace, I just lost it.”

 

“It’s ok. You’re always welcome here, you know that. Always.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

\--

_Veronica curled up in Logan’s bed wishing like Hell she could just go back to sleep. Just like last time she wasn’t going with him to see him off, instead saying their goodbyes in the comfort of his house. Within the cocoon of the beach house they could bid their farewells as they chose._

_He woke up bright and early, putting on coffee and tidying up in the way you do when you’re just looking for an excuse to do something--placing cups here and there, throwing out scraps of paper left on the table. Dick was gone, giving them their privacy he said, but she also suspected Dick liked saying goodbye even less than she did._

_It was only 5:00 am and Logan still had about an hour before he needed to head out, but she knew he couldn’t keep still. Walking over to the kitchen she placed a hand on his back and swayed slightly into him. He was only wearing a white shirt and boxers, refusing to change until the last moment._

_“I know a proven way to occupy time,” she whispered, moving her hand down the small of his back._

_“Oh really? Do tell.”_

_“Welllll,” she moved her hand along the curve of his ass, turning about face and cupping him firmly. “We could watch tv... read... cook breakfast.” With each suggestion he shook his head no playfully, and she caressed him just a little more._

_Letting go of him she stood on her tip toes and pointed her head up toward his ear, murmuring, “Or I can teach you a thing or two about respecting your superiors.”_

_“You think 30 minutes is enough to set me straight?”_

_“Pre-trial, we can pick up again six months from now.”_

_And then he was wrapped around her, lifting her onto the countertop, the smooth feel of granite cold against her thighs. Locking him in with her legs and drawing closer to him, their mouths engaged in a battle for limited air._

_“I need you. Now.” he moaned and she knew they wouldn’t make it to the bedroom. Keeping her legs around him, he picked her up off the counter and spun her to wall, pressing her up hard against it. His head lowered to her neck where he buried himself._

_She went to lift up his shirt, desperate for another glimpse of him before he left. He steadied himself against the wall, and as she was able to get the arm of the shirt up and over him, he cradled her over to the couch._

_They both knew they didn’t have time for foreplay, for long, passionate kisses that explore each and every nook. The clock was ticking and they both wanted, no needed, to detonate before it did._

_He pushed his boxers down and her black lace panties to the side. In one motion he was inside her and on top of her. The crush of his body, strong and agile against her, caused her to whimper louder than normal. Lifting himself up just a little he met her eyes and grinned maniacally before thrusting back into harder, again and again._

_It didn’t take long and that was the point. It wasn’t tender or gentle. It was 100% driven and focused, truly a way to pass the time without thinking about the 180 days to come. To be together without speaking, physically in a way they wouldn’t be again for awhile._

_“Well I can no longer look at that couch the same way, or the wall, or, oh God, the counter.” She sat up and tied her hair back behind her._

_“Totally worth it.”_

_“I don’t care, not my house.”_

_He studied her for a second and then touched her lovingly on the knee._

_“Nope, but it’s your home whenever you need it. Dick put’s up a fight tell him I’ll pay him an extra $20 in rent. You get a discount after that free lesson.”_

 

\--

 

“How long have you known?” Was everyone just going to throw this question at her today?

 

“About a month,” she looked away sheepishly once again.

 

“You could have told me. I’d have been here. You don’t have to do everything alone you know V.”

 

“I just... I just told Logan and I haven’t told my dad yet. I’m not even sure how I feel now. It’s not something I, we, planned. Obviously. Logan and I, we’re in a really good place for the first time ever, and the thought of adding something that could mess that up, it’s terrifying. Plus, there’s that whole being responsible for another human being.”

 

He nodded letting her continue.

 

“But I just, I can’t. I can’t do it. I’m not making any sense am I?” She didn’t expect anyone to understand, she wasn’t entirely sure she understood herself. Something though made her think that if she got rid of this child, she wouldn’t be able to look at Logan again, and she didn’t want that. Not now, not after all they’d gone through to get here. She couldn’t bear the idea of not being able to meet his eyes again. Running from him again, this time for something he didn’t do.  

 

“You’re making perfect sense,” he said, and drew her back to him, rubbing her shoulder slightly. “So Veronica Mars is going to be a mom? I do _not_ think the world is ready for that.” He laughed.

 

She returned it, then looked upward at him, “Thank you. Think I can crash here for the night? I don’t think I can face my dad just yet, and Logan’s well…”

 

“Of course, I’ll make the bed especially for you.”

 

“First of all, I’ll sleep on the couch. I’m pregnant not dying. Second, I’m letting your students know that Mr. Fennel still doesn’t make his own bed.”

 

“There’s no reason to,” he protested. “You’re sleeping in my room or you’re sharing a couch with me. Your choice. Want anything to drink?”

 

He migrated toward the kitchen area and opened the fridge.

 

“I can offer you uh water or OJ.”

 

Like most thirty-something bachelors Wallace’s fridge was stocked full of beer and not much else.

 

“Water is great.”

 

\--

 

_For three weeks she’d begged out of being social, tying herself up in casework that didn’t exist. Wallace, Mac, her dad, they all assumed she was upset over Logan’s deployment so they mostly left her alone, sending funny texts and talking when she came to them._

_Really, she just didn’t have a better excuse. There are only so many times you can order water at a bar without someone making a joke, and she knew as soon as the words were uttered she would come undone._

_“Veronica, we’re not kidding, we’re taking your ass out tonight.” Wallace and Mac were standing inside the front door of her dad’s house decidedly serious._

_“Guys you know the 09er is closed for repairs and I refuse to be seen anywhere else. I’m sorry, we’ll just have to take a rain check until something more suitable opens.”_

_“Nuh uh. Not working Mars. You’re marching that behind into the bedroom and putting on your best jeans and grease free t-shirt and coming with us.”_

_“You’ll make an excellent prison wife.”_

_“Thank you,” Mac smiled._

_Half an hour later they arrived at a small bar near Wallace’s, Dante’s. Of all of the things she disliked about Neptune this place wasn’t one. It had a corny name, but she like that it was neither seedy nor posh, a refreshingly middle class bar for the late 20s early 30s set in a town that traded in extremes. It was sparsely decorated, served basic food, decent beer, and best of all never made you feel out of place._

_Sitting down in a corner booth Veronica took the opportunity to get everyone’s order._

_“We got this V.”_

_“Don’t be silly, I’m sure I’ve missed plenty of opportunities to buy you drinks. My treat.”_

_“Whiskey neat,” called Mac._

_“I’ll take a Bud.”_

_“Can I get a Jack and Coke, hold the Jack,” she spat dryly, eying the bartender like a member of the Rat Pack._

_“Whatever you say little girl.”_

_“I’ll also need a whiskey neat and a Bud. Capish.”_

_He rolled her eyes at her and brought out the three drinks._

_“Thanks!” She replied cheerfully, clearly catching him off guard as she handed him a twenty and told him to keep the change. “And when one of the other two comes over, can you hold the Jack too? There’s some real nice singles in there for you.” Grinning she went back over to Wallace and Mac and spent the night pretending everything was just the same._

 

\--

 

By 10:00 pm Veronica was exhausted. A lethal combination of a living being sucking up a portion of her much needed fuel and back-to-back emotional Kamikaze missions left her ready for bed.

 

Not to worry her dad, she let him know she’d be staying at Logan’s. Given that Dick was out 90% of the time, and Logan wasn’t currently inhabiting the premises, Keith didn’t mind the arrangement as much as she’d thought he would. Besides, if she told him she was crashing with Wallace he’d have too many questions. Tomorrow. Two concerned men were enough for one day, completing the trifecta of worry was too much.

 

Shutting the door she slipped into the Hearst t-shirt and Neptune High basketball shorts Wallace laid out for her. She was certain this was not a coincidence. Wallace was a guy, he owned about 100 different shirts, no way did these end up top pile. Despite herself she smiled, she knew Wallace was glad to have her back, even if it meant her breaking his friend’s heart in the process.

 

His clothes hung off her still and she had to roll the shorts a few times to get them to stay up.

 

“Hey buddy, I’m heading to bed,” she yelled, poking her head out the bedroom door. “Sure you don’t want your nice giant bed? I’m happy to take the couch but this is the last call.”

 

“I’m good.”

 

About to close the door behind her she heard Wallace’s voice grow closer. “Veronica.”

 

Turning around she saw her best friend standing in front of her.

 

“You know I’ve got this kid’s back right? Just like I’ve got yours.”

 

“I know you do.” She kissed him of the cheek and brought her arms around his waist, head once again resting on his chest. “You’re going to be a great uncle, Wallace.”

 

“Obviously. Someone’s got to teach him how to ball, and I’ve seen your baby daddy, it’s not going to be Logan.”

  
“Or her, sexist. It could be a her.”


	4. Chapter 3

-Chapter 3-

 

Three and a half months later she stood in front of the Vestibule B doors in Terminal 2 of the San Diego International Airport. If she’d been family she would have met him at the airport USO, but she wasn’t, and that was a-ok. Despite the nearby base, Logan had flown in from the East Coast after docking so she wouldn’t be waiting on the pier this time. Even better. She didn’t need the stares of military families as she awaited Logan’s return in her black leather jacket and boots, protruding stomach peeking out from under the fading leather. Ringless finger and don’t-give-a-fuck attitude flying defiantly in the face of all the pageantry. She supported Logan and his fellow troops, but she didn’t get off on the whole spectacle. Here there was a greater sense of anonymity.

 

Taking a seat she pulled out her phone, hoping to see a little white envelope on the screen. She was waiting for an email from Mac.

 

No luck.

 

Instead, she played one of her favorite airport games, guess the story. The man with the bowler hat to the left, brown suit, squat? Likely returning from a weekend in Vegas meant to satisfy all his least realistic fantasies. A crash course in how you can delude yourself into any reality you want.

 

Twenty minutes later her phone buzzed in her bag next to her. It was Logan, he had landed. She let him know where she was and went back to the game. Leggings girl, college-age, no backpack, larger than normal suitcase for a weekend home? Taking an (unknown to her parents) leave of absence, she surmised.

 

Looking out the window she felt that little knock on the wall of her stomach. Instinctively, she put her hand to the spot of the kick and let it rest there momentarily. She wasn’t quite used to it, but she enjoyed the predictable spontaneity, like a case. Sure the moments were seemingly random, but they generally followed a pattern like so many of the guilty parties she investigated. This baby had apparently already developed its father’s sense of adventure, getting a literal kick out of pursuits, Mexican food, and the feel of Logan’s convertible.

 

“Am I interrupting?”

 

She snapped her head left to see Logan, fatigued in his white naval dress uniform, matching slacks, and the hat to top it all off. His head tilted slightly right and there was a strange expression on his face, slight smile, searching eyes, raised eyebrow.

 

\--

 

_“Stand up.”_

_It had been a month since Veronica had told Logan about the baby. She’d told her dad shortly after, and finally had the conversation with Mac a few days later, her hectic schedule as a freelance consultant making it hard to schedule a long talk. In her dad’s kitchen--thankfully not the one she’d spent adolescence or early adulthood in--she watched Keith’s face drop, mutter oh Veronica, and scoop her into his arms like only a dad could. He said all the right things, asked the pragmatic questions, made an off-color joke or two. He was approachable, helpful, but he wasn’t throwing a party anytime soon. Exactly as she knew he would be._

_“What, why?”_

_“I’m curious. I only ever see you from the neck up, you could be faking for all I know.” He smirked. “Child support payments don’t run cheap in Neptune.”_

_“Ah yes, the disappear for nine years, get your wealthy ex-boyfriend off murder charges, and then pop a bun in the oven and sue for child support. The oldest trick in the book.”_

_“Proof is in the picture, and the DNA test we’ll get to.”_

_She stood up and placed the laptop with the precariously perched camera on the desk. Awkwardly, she stood in front the screen for a second, turning in profile quickly._

_“Here, half of your proof,” she said, and whipped out a black and white sonogram picture. After her doctor’s appointment she’d made a copy and folded it into her pocket where it had stayed all morning. “I was planning to send it to you but now I guess I don’t need to. Mr. Myagi has a few lessons on patience for you.”_

_“I guess that’ll do.” He played aloof, but there was a smile threatening to peak out. “I see other things are growing too.” He was full on smirking now._

 

\--

 

He looked handsome in the uniform but different than she remembered him in her head. In her head Logan was always clad in a crew neck shirt and jeans. She hadn’t adjusted to the uniform. She hadn’t really disconnected the standard issue California-boy puka necklace either, despite the decade plus absence. Where there once had been a roundness to his features, only lines and angles remained. The softness from his face instead drained into him, so where there once had been a sharp, stinging personality, a milder, gentler Logan had reshaped.

 

Quickly dropping her hand to her side, she stood up, gathering her belongings into her bag, and strode over to him.

 

“Hi.” He took her in for a second before grabbing her waist with his left hand and pulling her in for a kiss. Devouring would be a better descriptor. God she missed this. Even blushing a little she didn’t pull away. It had been six months, another 180 days, since their last kiss. They deserved this moment. Audience be damned.

 

“God I missed you,” he whispered, as if dictating her thoughts back to her.

 

“Yeah, yeah. I think you missed that the most.”

 

“I’d be lying if I said didn’t miss it, along with the many, many things I imagined to occupy myself when alone.”

 

She rolled her eyes. “There are kids around.”

 

“Right,” he looked around sheepish for a moment. “So I, uh, guess introductions are in order,” he moved his hand from her waist to her stomach. “Looks like I’m your dad.”

 

For six months (or really the three-plus since she’d stopped pretending it wasn’t a thing), Veronica had been alone. Sure her dad, Wallace, and Mac were there, constantly telling her, “At least order veggies on that pizza,” or, “Don’t chase people down the street like you’re sixteen,” or (her favorite) “Jesus Veronica slow down,” but they’d been concerned peripheral parties. It had been just Veronica and the growing, moving, mass in her stomach most of the time, and she didn’t hate it. There were other things she hated sure: bouts of nausea, the inability to chase after bad guys on a whim, an utter lack of caffeine and alcohol in her system, but she kind of enjoyed the monopoly she had on her stomach. Now, having Logan here, wanting to be involved, wanting to invade that space, she wasn’t sure how she felt again. Happy yes, but a little protective too; she wasn’t sure she was ready to share.

 

“Come on pops, the meter’s running.”

 

Keeping his hand on her stomach he whispered in her ear, “I’m also the fun parent.”

 

\--

 

_You can never know what kind of parent you’ll be, Keith told he one day out of the blue. They had ordered Thai food and were sitting in the office eating lunch going over files. Since telling her dad about the baby a month ago the two hadn’t spoke much about it, other than the additional nagging reminders to be careful. After covering the initial bases--are you keeping it (yes), what does Logan have to say (he’s supportive), do you have a plan (smuggle drugs across the border and sell them for diaper money)--there was an unspoken agreement to not discuss it too much. Keith had wanted so much more for his daughter. He’d wanted her to get out, make the money he knew she deserved, find a nice, stable, sensible life. Even though he’d loved having her close by, he worried. He knew those things weren’t possible in Neptune, as a PI, and he thought with Logan (though he’d sincerely hoped he was wrong)._

_Digging into her order of drunken noodles (this kid really loved spicy foods, she thought), she almost choked._

_“‘Scuse me?”_

_“When I found out you were going to be born I swore I wouldn’t let you near any of this, that you’d stay out of the station,” he turned his attention to her. “But I couldn’t keep you away. You were so curious, even when you were younger, you needed to know how everything worked, and you needed to test it for yourself. It was a good thing you were cute, because God knows you drove your mother and I crazy, asking question after question._

_“For awhile it seemed like you were willing to accept things. You had Duncan and Lilly and could just grow up a normal kid, shielded from the baggage of my job. School, friends, even boys, they all kept you protected. And then everything happened with Lilly and I couldn’t keep you safe if I’d harnessed you to the dining room chair.” He shook his head._

_“I always imagined I’d be a different type of parent. I raised an amazing, smart, determined young woman,” he smiled at her lovingly. “But I wasn’t the father I imagined in my head. I’m proud of you Veronica, but just remember that. You will never be the parent you dream you’ll be right now. Neither will Logan. And he certainly won’t be the parent you dream him to be.”_

\--

 

Making their way up to Logan’s car he held open the passenger door for her. How strange, she thought, less than two hours ago she’d been a single entity driving the car alone to the airport. Now she was leaving the airport a duo, a part of something, no longer singularly individual. Even when she’d been with Logan before, or living with Piz in New York, there was a distinct feeling of singularity. She was in a couple, but not truly joined. The closest she’d been to this feeling was with her first boyfriend, Lilly’s brother and Logan’s best friend, Duncan Kane. But that was different. They were naive, young, and as pure as their counterparts Lilly and Logan were corrupt. Here and now she was a long way from virginal dance teamer. Yet for the first time since then there was an “us” feeling. It was the same feeling that had overcome her minutes before when Logan had touched her stomach, surreality.  

 

Her mind wandered briefly to Duncan as she belted her much rounder self into passenger’s seat. After she and Logan had broken up, Veronica and Duncan had gotten back together. It was high school after all, these types of convoluted relationships were a de facto rite of passage. And they’d remained together, until the soap operatic plot of their senior year culminated in the discovery that Duncan’s former girlfriend Meg Manning was pregnant and comatose. Following Meg’s death, and fearing losing his child to Meg’s abusive Christian parents, Duncan had fled with his newborn daughter. She thought of Duncan, and his now 12 year-old daughter Lilly, somewhere out there in the world.

 

“You’re unusually quiet.”

 

They hadn’t spoken of Duncan much, if at all, since a brief conversation at the end of their senior year. Truthfully, she wasn’t really sure how Logan felt about Duncan. The pair had been best friends and formed a rather nice foursome with Veronica and Lilly. When Lilly was murdered, though, everything shifted, everyone became more suspicious, and while the two had remained friends, the smallest cut threatened to tear everything apart. Logan, being the more brash of the two, acted out against Veronica for the role her father played in scratching old wounds, causing them to fester at the surface. Yet as Duncan withdrew more and more, Logan and Veronica grew closer, so that when they finally kissed outside the Camelot Motel it was the spark igniting at the end of a long fuse (one attached to a metric ton of TNT). Duncan hadn’t taken it well, and when Duncan and Veronica got back together to start their senior year, Logan took that even worse, even as the pair lived together at the Neptune Grand.

 

“I was thinking about Duncan and Lilly.”

 

“This’d be a sight for them I’m sure.” He didn’t really seem sure of what to say. “Can you believe it was 14 years ago we were going to homecoming together. Lilly doing anything possible to piss of Celeste. You and Lilly making out in the limo.” He grinned as he let out the last line.

 

“I’m not sure I would call that a makeout.”

 

“I’ll remember it as I want.”

 

She smiled. “I was actually thinking about Duncan Kane, father to an almost teenage daughter.”

 

He paused. “And here I was worried about what we would do.” He was joking, still oddly calm.

 

“I miss her still, all time,” she said softly, looking right at the cliffside whirring by, letting her head fall gently against the seat. For as little as they spoke of Duncan, they mentioned Lilly even less. Duncan was mostly the drama of a teenage scripted series. Lilly was different. The best friend/girlfriend who brought them together, tore them apart, and ultimately brought them together again. And of course she couldn’t be mentioned without thinking of her murder, and Logan’s father. So they didn’t talk of her, no one did anymore.

 

“I know. Me too. ”

 

The past lingered between them for a moment. Not heavily, but it was there. They would never have gotten to this moment without it, but it wasn’t a past either would have chosen.

 

Logan flipped the turn signal up and glided the car onto the off ramp. Where was he going?

 

They drove for a few more minutes, letting the wind take their thoughts and lift them up and away. He slowly pulled to a stop as they entered the vast expanse of concrete separating the masses from the beach. It was chilly and the sun was starting to set, so the beach wasn’t as populated as normal. It may be a romantic cliche to take long walks on the beach, but it didn’t hold the fondest memories for their relationship. It was here that he’d bashed in her headlights, that she’d learned he knew she suspected him of killing Lilly, that he lashed out about her new relationship with Piz.

 

“I wasn’t going to do this, not today, anyways.”

 

He was quiet, staring straight ahead into the sea. “A lot of shitty stuff has happened for us here. But it hasn’t always been that way. We had some great memories too.”

 

He was right, she’d didn’t let herself think much of homecoming, their champagne-fueled walk on the beach. The four of them, the best of friends, one nearly indiscernible mass gliding and laughing, a true-to-life high school dream.   

 

“And when you mentioned Duncan and Lilly I remembered how we got here, and how much we’ve tried to run away from it. I don’t want to run though. I’m sick of fucking running. And I don’t want you to run either.”

 

“Mmm huh.” This was slightly confusing, and more than a little bizarre.

 

“Our relationship has rarely been perfect. Epic maybe, but not exactly the stuff of Disney movies, and rarely functional. But I want you to know I’m in this; I’m all in, and I hope that you are too.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny drawstring bag. Then he pulled out a ring. His fingers played around with it so she didn’t get a good look, but context and a shiny object on top made the detailing irrelevant.

 

“I had Trina ship it to me. Or to the USO anyways. I’m sure it was hard for her to part with. It’s one of her favorite things: shiny, expensive, and most of all not hers.” Her twirled the ring between his finger, smiling, lost a little bit in a mental image to which she wasn’t privy.

 

“It was my mom’s, her mom’s, nothing given to her by my dad.” He made this point soberly but clearly.

 

Thud. She wasn’t aware your heart could drop so many stories in your chest cavity.

 

“And now it’s yours, if you want.” He shifted his focus from his own fidgeting with the ring to her, Veronica. His focus was laser sharp now. He smiled, an almost unnerving smile it reminded her so much of high school Logan. Vulnerable. The Navy had knocked most of that right out of him, but here in his car, on the beach in Neptune, he was that same Logan she’d fallen in love with a decade ago, at least he looked it.

 

“Logan, you don’t have to do this.” She was stalling, not sure what to say again.  

 

“I know that. This isn’t some 1950s bullshit because we’re apparently the one-percenters of birth control. I’m asking because I’m in love with you. And I never stopped. I don’t know why I chose now or here, it just felt right.” He smiled still clutching the ring, a little harder now, resting in his palm so it was not longer visible. “Do you love me Veronica?”

 

She looked into his eyes, watched as they remained squarely on her. “I do. But love and babies don’t just magically make relationships work.”

 

“I know that, ok. Nothing will ever be easy that with us. You won’t let it.” She could see the frown lines starting to form, the seedlings of frustration beginning to sprout at the surface. He was already getting small wrinkles near his eyes and they popped out now. Weirdly, it made her more calm. Too much calm and bliss with Logan was unnerving, not natural. Even with new, reformed Logan. “That doesn’t mean we can’t be together. If you don’t want to get married that’s fine, but I’m not losing you. Not again. That’s all this means. It’s just something I have left of my mom, that I want you to have. Wear it or not I’m not going to stop fighting for you, both of you.”

 

Here she was pregnant with Logan presenting her a ring at the Neptune Beach, but she was almost 30, not 18. It wasn’t the plot of a bad after school special. She’d left and come back to this, and to him. Being with Logan was now a conscious decision they’d both made as rational adults who had experienced other lives and still chose to be there anyways. In that moment she realized just how much things had changed. Before, she’d let everyone lead her to believe that nothing had changed, that she’d fallen back into old habits, but they were wrong. They had choices now. They chose this. That was the biggest change of all.

 

“So what do you say, make an honest man out of me Veronica Mars? Or don’t. Either way I need you to promise me here that you’re not going anywhere.”

 

There was that allusion to her running again, just like her mom had. Logan wasn’t the only one with a fight against genetics.

 

“Oh alright. I guess we should get hitched eventually--appearances really should be kept in Neptune,” she joked, but the slightest bit of moisture appeared in the corner of her eye and he swiftly wiped it away in one smooth motion as he leaned in, cupping her face, and lifting her into a kiss.

 

“I don’t think it likes that,” she said, suppressing a soft tear with a chuckle.

 

“What do you mean?” He pulled back, a little puzzled.

 

“The baby just kicked. Not a fan of PDA I guess. Or maybe it’s us it’s already rebelling against us. Guess it really must be ours.”

 

“Can I feel?”

 

“I don’t know if it’ll kick again.”

 

“Maybe this will help.” He placed his hand on her stomach and kissed her again. As if on cue she felt another kick.

 

“That’s... that’s amazing.” He kept his hand lightly on her belly and sunk down into his seat, smile stretching from ear-to-ear.

 

\--

 

_The first time she’d felt the baby kick she’d been startled. She rested her hand on her stomach, waiting for it to happen again with no luck. It aggravated her how it slipped past her, getting away from her like a thief on the run._

_The second time had been after her brief conversation with Keith about what type of parent she’d be. Finishing off the last few drunken noodles, she was sitting at her desk looking over Mr. Vincent’s case. Cross-checking times, resolute she would catch him. He’d thus far eluded her, but she would get the money shot. Suddenly she felt a timber against the wall of her belly. Putting down the takeout container she’d been clearing scraps out of, she again placed her hand on top of her stomach. Determined to catch the kid in the act again she didn’t notice Keith staring at her from his doorway. His smile was warm and genuine, knowing, as he stood there watching her for a second._

_  
“If this kid teaches you anything, honey, let’s hope it’s patience.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should probably have pointed out earlier than I am no expert on the armed services. I have been to a USO Center for work and have dealt with the Navy is a completely fringe capacity, but most of what I'm using for context is the movie timeline, which doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me.
> 
> I've also never been to the San Diego Airport so I have no idea if they call them vestibules.


	5. Chapter 4

-Chapter 4-

 

Veronica slipped on the ring not really sure what to feel. It didn’t fit. Instead hanging there limply. So much for glass slippers. Her phone buzzed in her bag at her feet. She’d forgotten about the email from Mac. Not entirely sure whether she should look or not at this particular moment she fidgeted for a hot second before grabbing her bag and taking out her phone. Just as she’d hoped a little white envelope appeared. The phone records. Knowing Logan would roll his eyes and scold her for doing work she put the phone away. She’d get to them eventually, though truthfully she was itching for something to do.

 

Along they drove, Logan sat next to her looking contented, not a presence she was used to feeling from Logan Echolls. He had regained that self-assuredness apparent since he joined the Navy. A calmness he’d never possessed when they’d known each other such a long time ago. He could still ignite, and he would never be able to wash himself of his genetic makeup, but nonetheless there was something different about him now she had come to realize. There was something different about her too, and them.

 

Instead of turning off, toward the house he shared with his friend, and perpetual man-child Dick Casablancas, they kept driving. Where Logan was complicated, with a quick wit and biting tongue, Dick was simple. She figured they remained friends out of familial loyalty. While they weren’t technically family, neither really had any family left, leaving them both to fend for themselves at a fragile age. Instead, they’d created a pseudo-family in their shared Neptune Grand suite, and later in the house on the beach. So long as Logan could manage his vices, Dick’s lack of complexity let Logan relax, kept him out of his own head.

 

She was desperate to get out of the car but they drove on, the houses, despite inching closer in frame, shrinking smaller in size.

 

They arrived at a small craftsman style single story house. As Logan turned the key and the ignition died down, Veronica’s stomach dropped again. He squeezed her hand briefly and got out of the car, moving around to open her door for her. She didn’t notice though, she just kept staring up at the house. He held his palm out. She looked up, grabbed his hand back, and headed toward the door.

 

“Dad,” she yelled as they walked through the front door.

 

“Lucy, is that you?” Keith Mars called back in his best Ricky Ricardo impression. “You got some ‘splainin’ to do.”

 

Keith appeared in the entryway between the kitchen and dining room.

 

Logan stood awkwardly next to her. He’d never been comfortable around her father, amused but not comfortable. She couldn’t blame either of them. Her father was protective, he’d been Sheriff after all, and Logan was once the ultimate bad boy. Reckless, addictive, and attracted to every kind of bad situation. Even as Logan tried to reform her father had a hard time believing him. Still, it made it awfully hard for gal.

 

“I’ve got good news, Pa. Your knocked-up unmarried daughter found herself a fella.” Humor was the best ice breaker she found. Keith smiled, not a huge smile, but his lips turned upward at least.

 

“Come here sweetie.” She went over to her dad and he wrapped her in hug. As he pulled away he looked at both of them. “I guess congratulations are in order. Not the order I would have chosen, but you crazy kids.

 

“Veronica, honey, can I speak with Logan alone for a minute?” He put on a saccharine sweet voice, and Veronica left the room unsure what to expect.

 

She went over to the guest room and opened and closed the door, before positioning herself out of sight to listen to the conversation in the kitchen.

 

“I don’t think it comes as a surprise that I’ve never been Team Logan, as I think the kids are calling it these days,” Keith said from the next room. “I want you to know if you ever hurt my daughter or grandchild I will hunt you down and make you pay. And I don’t think it’s a stretch to say it wouldn’t be hard to do. I know having a kid probably isn’t at the top of your list of ways to spend your time between tours. Limits time clubbing and drinking.”

 

Oh brother.

 

“But I want you to know something Logan. I’m proud of you.”

 

Huh.

 

“I know your family, and I know what that can do to people--I’ve seen a lot of it--but you seem to have turned things around lately. I don’t know if it’s the Navy, and frankly I don’t care. You seem to be on the right path, and as long as you stay that way, and promise to take care of your new family, I’d like to welcome you into da family.” Through her muted tears she heard her dad attempt a Godfather voice and she stifled a teary laugh. “I appreciate that you came to me first, although I might have appreciated you not knocking my daughter up in the first place more. But you make Veronica happy. That’s what matters to me. You’ll see soon enough kid, the only thing that matters is your child’s happiness.”

 

Suddenly his voice grew louder, “Veronica, you can come out from the other side of the wall now.”

 

Caught.

 

“You ok?” Keith and Logan both asked at the same time. She smiled through a pair of watery eyes.

 

“Yeah, just poked my eye fixing my contact.”

 

“You don’t wear contacts honey.”

 

“That’s why it hurt so much.”

 

They all stood there for a second, no one saying anything, but the air that hung wasn’t stiff either, maybe awkward, but not tense. It was a major start.

 

“Well I’m sure you kids want to get going,” Keith said finally.

 

Veronica walked over to him and nuzzled her head into her father’s chest, wrapping her arms around him and letting her ever expanding stomach meet his. “I love you daddy.”

 

“I love you too Veronica.”

 

\--

 

Walking down the front steps Logan turned to her and said, “There’s one more stop we have to make. That’s it, I promise.”

 

As they drove along Veronica let her head tilt back and her eyes flutter close briefly, relaxing for the first time in while.

 

Some time later she felt Logan’s lips on her forehead and heard him softly whisper, “We’re here,” in her left ear.

 

“Hunh.”

 

He was smiling at her with kind eyes.

 

“You just looked so peaceful, I couldn’t wake you up. Plus a quiet Veronica Mars is a rare thing.”

 

Moving her head back upright and adjusting her eyes she noticed where they were. A gate to her right read “Neptune Cemetery” and in front of her lay the beige-grey tombstones of a century's worth of Neptune residents.

 

“I have to do something. Want to come with me?” Although she didn’t feel like moving, and she certainly didn’t feel like traipsing through a cemetery after dusk, she smiled anyways and let him lead the way.

 

They walked through the gate and past a number of rows marked with the gravesite numbers, Logan just slightly in front of her, hand interlaced with hers. After a couple minutes they came to stop in front of a small, black marble grave.

 

Lynn Irene Echolls

Beloved Mother

1955-2005

 

Wife had clearly been left off.

 

“Mom, you remember Veronica,” he deadpanned, mocking himself for the exercise of introducing her to a headstone.

 

“Logan, I…”

 

“You thought they never found a body? That my dad created a memorial bong out of glass and guilt instead? He did. But she needed to be out of that house, away from him, even if if she wasn’t really there. Plus it caught fire if you remember, so I used some of her money and bought this. Money and fame _will_ apparently buy you an eternal resting place, if if only on Earth.”

 

He turned away from her and dropped her hand.

 

“I came back, like I promised. Safe and sound in one piece.” He was no longer talking to her now, but to the headstone.

 

“I think you’d be proud of me, mom. I’m happy.” He was choking up and she wanted to put her hands on him and comfort him, but she didn’t. She knew that, for the moment anyways, he needed to let it out.

 

“I grew into the man you wanted me to be. Veronica and I, we’re going to have a kid. I’m going to be a dad. And I promise you, I promise you with everything I have that I won’t be dad. I won’t, I can’t.”

 

Now he was crying, heavily but quietly so as not to disturb their eternally resting neighbors. Veronica picked up his hand from his side, the other arm he used to wipe away at his eyes.

 

“She knows. She would be so proud of who you became. You know that Logan.”

 

He dropped her hand again and reached into his pocket. In his palm was a decorative pin, a set of Navy wings. He steadied himself, stooping down, and placed the pin in front of the grave.

 

“They hate this,” he grinned through water-logged eyes. “Something about plastic and littering. But I think she’d like it. To see her son, a military man. She’d appreciate the act of rebellion too. That’s the son she knew.

 

“Come on. Time to go home.”

 

\--

 

_Twilight fell upon the silhouette of Neptune High. Never did she think she’d be back there again, and certainly not as a willing participant in high school pageantry. No, Veronica was quite certain that the day of graduation was it, home free, never to set foot again on the lush Southern California high school, with its facade of learning and developing hiding a less altruistic desire to educate its young pupils on their destined place in Neptune society._

_It was nearly 7:00 pm and she knew she should get inside for the start of the game--Wallace’s first as the school’s new head basketball coach--but she lingered instead, walking around until she came to the fountain on the courtyard wall._

Lilly Kane Memorial Fountain

_Gently she placed a hand on the stone, tracing Lilly’s name with her forefinger._

_“You’d hate this,” she whispered to the fountain. “Would you hate me too?”_

_It was a question she’d thought about early on when she and Logan had first explored the idea of each other as something more than friends turned mortal enemies turned whatever they were. As time passed she thought about it less and less. She and Logan weren’t together long anyways. Now, here in front of the gaudy fountain that she knew Lilly would despise--a rewriting of history to make her into the saint she fought to prove to her parents she wasn’t--Veronica wondered what Lilly would say. Her best friend and her boyfriend, a couple, in love, having a kid. Moving on together and without her. Living a life she couldn’t._

_“I’m sorry. I wish I would have known. I wish I could have stopped him.”_

_Pausing she stopped to listen to the light rush of the water. Suddenly she was back on the beach with Lilly, Duncan, and Logan--the guys surfing, the two of them flat on their backs, soaking up another beautiful Neptune day and pretending not to be discussing their boyfriends. A rare ‘normal’ memory in the rolodex her mind._

_“I need you to know that we didn’t plan this. We were both so angry about you, at each other, at the world. Eventually that need to uncover the truth, it brought us together, but I’d trade it to have you here again. We’re both happy now, but it took a long time. A really long time. You’re always with me Lil, know that. I just hope you’re happy up there…”_

_The onslaught of tears came one at a time first, and then in a wave she couldn’t control._

_She wasn’t sure how long she sobbed in front that fountain, on the far side of the school, thankfully away from the gym and the people, maybe 30 seconds, at most a minute._

_Taking a deep breath she felt a hand, firm and familiar, gently rest on her shoulder._

_“She knows sweetie,” Keith’s voice was gentle, if a little shaky. “She knows you loved her, both of you, I promise.”_

_Then the tears were back and she was face first in her dad’s chest, Keith’s arm’s around her again, like they always were when she needed it._

 

\--

 

“Wait,” she heard herself say as Logan was turning back down the row to the car.

 

Carefully, she pulled out the sonogram picture she carried around with her, tucked in the farthest reach of her wallet.

 

Veronica walked back to Lynn’s grave, and gingerly, she was after all six months pregnant, bent down and pinned the picture to the wings and stuck them into the ground, whispering so that Logan couldn’t hear, “I’ll take care of him for you.”

 

“They’ll hate that even worse, but we’re rebels Butch, who needs ‘em anyways.” She said louder as she stood up, smiling at him gently.

 

As she walked up to him he reached out and grabbed her hip, tilting her up, and suddenly engulfing her with a kiss that sent shivers down her spine. Every ounce of emotion he had drained out of his lips and onto her. Breaking away he rested his forehead on hers and looked her in the eye.

  
“I love you Veronica.”


	6. Chapter 5

-Chapter 5-

 

They pulled up to Logan’s shared beach bungalow--the ultimate late-twenties rich boy bachelor pad. The furnishing were sparse and sophisticated in a way only people with money could afford to make look chic. The back of the living room opened to a row of floor to ceiling windows and a pair of double doors for easy surfing access. It was beautiful, smaller, and bore little resemblance to the homes either grew up in, despite the shared zip code. She assumed this was a deliberate choice, although with Dick you never knew.

 

Sitting in the car, the sound of waves clapping up against the sand, the sun setting, Veronica felt tired once again. Drained. It had been six months since they’d last seen each other and the few hours since he spotted her at the airport had been filled with all the emotional weight of an elephant in a Hummer.

 

He grabbed her hand and squeezed it lightly. “You ok?”

 

She looked down at her hand briefly before looking at him. Damn hormones, she could feel them twisting around again.   

 

\--

 

Finally settling in, Veronica took an opportunity as Logan showered, and slipped into the breakfast nook to check out the phone records Mac had sent. Mr. Vincent, it turned out, wasn’t just your run-of-the-mill philandering husband. In fact, the case she assumed was biding her time before the next “big” one had turned out to be just that itself. Go figure.

 

\--

 

_Veronica opened her eyes slowly, first fixating on the seafoam blue-green and cream frock she was wearing, and then on the gentle humming of the machines around her. She turned to her left and saw her dad, arms resting on his legs, head in his hands._

_“Hey daddy-o.”_

_Keith sat up, eyes red, smile spreading weakly across his drained face. He leaned over and grabbed her hand tightly. “Oh sweetie.”_

_Looking down at her stomach, which was just barely forming a convex curve with the sheet, she wasn’t sure she had the nerve to ask. Thankfully she didn’t have to._

_“You’re fine. Both of you,” said Keith next to her softly, gently rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb. “The doctor came in not long ago. You’re a lucky girl Veronica.”_

_“Don’t I feel it,” she joked lightly._

_“There’s something I have to tell you.” He was quiet for a moment as he looked at her. “Sheila’s dead. Her housekeeper found her yesterday, just before the accident.” Keith kept his hand on hers. “Carl Vincent is now the lead suspect.”_

_“That’s awful.”_

_Looking at the clock Veronica noticed how late it was. 11:34 am on Tuesday morning. Shit. Logan was supposed to have called her an hour and a half ago._

_“Dad, do you have my phone?”_

_“Honey I don’t want you thinking about the case right now.”_

_“I… Logan and I were supposed to talk at 10:00. I want to see if I have any emails.”_

_Reluctantly Keith handed over the phone. The battery was nearly dead but sure enough she saw the series of notifications letting her know people were trying to contact her. Opening up her email inbox she saw the email from Logan, time stamped an hour ago._

“Hey Bobcat,

 

I don’t know where you are but I have to head out now. Email me back when you get a chance. Please V. I’m worried. It’s not like you to miss a date. Hopefully you just got caught up at work. God I can’t believe I just hoped you’re working, that’s how you know it’s bad.

 

Say hi to the kid for me.

 

Love,

 

L”

_A lump grew in the pit of her stomach. Just as she went to reply her phone made a noise and a warning popped up that her battery was dead._

_“When can I get out of here?”_

_“The doc said you can be released today, but you’re going home. I’m not playing here from now on you’re in the pen. Until further notice you’ll be doing office work. In the office.” His voice was hard and stern, like he used to get when she was a teenager._

_“It was an accident dad. It could have happened if I was driving to the store.”_

_“Don’t you get it Veronica? You were being tailed. Someone was following you. It wasn’t a freak traffic accident. Someone knows you’ve been watching Carl and they set you up.”_

_“So what? That’s the risk of the job. I’m fine. We’re fine. Now that we know more we can nail this guy.”_

_“Yes we can. With you helping from the office. This isn’t a negotiation. Carl Vincent isn’t just a simple cheating husband, this is bigger, and I will not have either of you getting hurt. That’s that. Now you can keep arguing with me, but that’s how this is going to go. I’m still your father, and I’m still the boss.”_

\--

 

Despite being officially ‘grounded’ there was still work to do. Mac had been able to get ahold of Mr. Vincent’s assistant’s phone records and she needed to research the numbers. Having Logan back was wonderful, albeit disorienting, but she still had that work itch to scratch.

 

Fully engrossed in the computer in front of her, she didn’t notice as Logan made his way across the living room, not looking up until he planted a kiss of the side of her forehead. When she did though, she was greeted by his smooth, glistening abs, another feature more angular than when they’d known each other as teens. A brown towel was slung on low on his hips, revealing the sharp cutouts pointing south from his torso. Steady girl.

 

“I missed you.” He whispered to her, still standing over her.

 

“I missed you too. That was one long shower.”

 

“Long and cold, freezing cold,” he grinned. “I just talked to Dick. He’s gone all night. TJ.”

 

“He is Dick. Wouldn’t want everything in the world to just up and change would we.”

 

Logan sat down next to her and she closed the laptop quickly. He knew she was working, but just the same she tried to hide it as best she could. It didn’t matter though, he wasn’t paying attention to her anyways. Surveying the house in front of him he bit down on his lip. “I guess we’ll need to find somewhere to live.”

 

She tried to nuzzle up to him, still negotiating the bump into her movements. “We don’t have to figure this out tonight. You just got home.”

 

“Something tells me your dad isn’t eager to host a family of three in his two bedroom house, especially with me as one of the three. And then we have bachelor number two: Dick.” He slumped further into the bench seat under the window as he moved his arm around her. “We need a place to live and you know it.”

 

“I know, but what happens when you’re gone again? Do I spend six months with an infant in a house alone? You know there are at least three hits out on me at any given time.” She knew when she said it it was the wrong thing to say. It was factually accurate, well the time period anyways, but she knew not to remind him of what he was going to be missing, and of her own penchant for danger.

 

“Even so, we can’t live here with Dick for the next six months. Our kid isn’t going to be born behind bars when you inevitably kill him.”

 

“People surprise you.”

 

\--

 

_“You know Logan isn’t here now, right?”_

_She had just turned the key and pushed the door ajar when she heard Dick’s voice from the living room._

_“They teach you those observational skills in school Dick? Or is that pure God-given?”_

_“Just one of the many things I was gifted with Ronnie.”_

_“Always a pleasure.”_

_Closing the front door behind her, Veronica headed into Logan’s room. As she was gathering her stuff she noticed Dick had followed her. He was standing in the doorway, beer bottle in hand, staring out the windows lining the one wall. She once again had to admit it was a pretty great place they’d found._

_“He’s going to be ok you know,” he said, still not looking at her, as if he was talking to himself, not Veronica at all._

_“I know.” She nodded softly._

_He turned to her._

_“So does he know yet?” He tilted the bottle toward her stomach, leaning up against the door frame._

_“I, uh.”_

_“Come on, you’re better than that. I sleep a couple hundred feet from you, so I have a basic idea of how you spend your mornings, and I don’t think it’s all the tequila you throw back. Plus let’s just say you’ve never been quite so well endowed.” He smirked at her and she shook her head in disgust._

_“Yes he knows.”_

_“Congrats Ronnie. No I mean it. We’ve had our differences, but man, I’ve never seen Logan as happy as he is with you. I’ve also never seen him as depressed as when you left him. When you left for Stanford, guy was a wreck. Worse than Lilly, worse than the first time you guys broke up. It took him a long time to get his shit together. Don’t break him again.”_

_“I’m not planning on it. I promise.” She wasn’t used to long expository statements from Dick. It was throwing her off. “He cares about you too, you know. You’re his family.”_

_“Well, looks like he’s got a new of those one now too.” He smiled, took a swig, and walked out of the room._

\--

 

He stood up and held out his hand for to take. Steadying herself with the table, she grabbed Logan’s outstretched hand with her free one and stood up. He placed his palm against her jawline and kissed her again, softly and slowly. A tender kiss.

 

“Mind if we go to bed? It’s some time I can’t reveal to you in some part of the world I won’t tell you.”

 

“Not at all.” Even though it was only 9:30 she’d been barely able to keep her eyes open. Twelve hours ago she still hadn’t seen Logan in six months. Now they were engaged and discussing housing. It was all just a little too much. Her instinct to run hadn’t kicked in yet, but she needed a good night’s sleep nonetheless.

 

She followed him into the bedroom as he went to go brush his teeth. He hadn’t seen her, all of her anyways, in six months. A lot had changed. Quickly, she shed the tight jeans she’d been wearing all day and threw on a pair of boxer shorts she kept there. She had just begun taking off the black cotton shirt she was wearing when Logan came up behind her.

 

“Let me help you with that,” he whispered, nabbing a hold of her ear with his teeth. His hands slid up to her forearms and he gently guided her shirt over her head. He wrapped his arms around her lightly, resting his arm on the top ridge of her stomach.

 

Standing in only her bra and shorts she hadn’t felt so vulnerable in a while. When they had last explored each other, she’d been fit and petite. A lithe body that he could pick up and twirl around. Now she constantly felt like Veruca Salt, growing bigger and bigger by the second.

 

She shivered, feeling the press of his warm clothed body against her nearly naked one.

 

“You’re beautiful Veronica.”

 

“Good thing one of thinks so.”

 

“You are. Trust me.”

 

\--

 

_Not too long after she told Logan about the baby she noticed her clothes sticking tighter and tighter to her. Standing in front of her mirror she lifted her shirt and turned in profile, noting the faintest curve in the center of her body. Unless you were looking you wouldn’t be able to tell, but there it was. Puffing out her stomach she pictured what she might look like in a few months._

_Veronica rarely felt self-conscious, and she was knew she was lucky in that regard. She’d always been a tiny thing, able to eat whatever she wanted in quantities that shamed lesser mortals._

_In a few months, probably less, she’d no longer be able to fit into her high school clothes or any of the other clothes in her closet. When she was younger, she’d often been able to cozy up to possible suspects and other vital sources of information (and one dashingly handsome, incredibly sweet cop) because she was a petite, pretty blonde. Veronica thrived off her brains, but she had to admit her looks had always helped her too._

_“Mac?” She’d picked up the phone and called her closest female ally._

_“I’m working on it Veronica.” Mac sighed on the other line._

_“No, I mean thanks, but no. I need to go shopping.”_

_“Ha. Ha.”_

_“Really.”_

_“In the 12 years we’ve known each other what on Earth would make you think I would be a good shopping buddy?”_

_“I don’t need fashion advice here. I need support.”_

_“I hear Victoria’s Secret is good for that.”_

_“I need to buy maternity clothes.”_

_Mac was silent on the other end._

_“I’m serious.”_

_“Veronica I think you’re freaking out. I saw you yesterday. You don’t need jeans with a stretchy cotton waist.”_

_“I will though.”_

_“I know you will. But you don’t right now.” Mac was right, but these hormones were driving her insane. She teetered between emotional breakdown and sex-crazed lothario more often than normal. If only Logan was around then._

_Sensing her friend’s increasing fragility, Mac continued, “Next weekend we’ll go. I promise. We can see all that Neptune has to offer in cheap maternity wear. It’ll be great. I’m sure it’s an extensive selection of polyester and pink.”_

_“Thanks Mac,” she delighted, relieved to be hearing someone talk to her like normal, not guarded. “And I’ll need those files by 5.”_

_“Of course you will.”_

_“You’re the best.”_

_“Don’t I know it.”_

\--

 

“I thought you were tired,” she teased.

 

“I’ve spent six months on a ship. Alone. I’m good.”

 

“Romantic.”

 

“You saying you didn’t miss me? Should I be pressing for that DNA test after all?”

 

“I did.”

 

He pulled her closer, still wearing the t-shirt and boxers he’d changed into. He made his way from her ear to her neck, which arched involuntary as she let out the slightest moan.

 

She spun around into him and their lips met hungrily. Roughly, she grabbed his plain white shirt and tried to get it up over his head, even on her toes she was just an inch too short, so he freed up the hand that was resting on her waist and finished the last part himself. Still kissing him, very lightly tugging his lip as she went, she pushed back a foot until she was next to the bed. Before she would had yanked him down with her, feeling the weight of his body on top of hers, but that wouldn’t work now. Instead she sat down and patted the spot next to her. He did as commanded, scooching his body further onto the bed. With his hands laced behind his head she swung one leg over him, straddling him, as she bent over to kiss first his chest, and then slowly worked her way to his lips.

 

It may not have been the most comfortable position, but her body ached out for the comfort of his. The strength he possessed, his hands grabbing her ass, feeling it firm up as he gently squeezed.

 

He pushed himself up as much he could to meet her before the intrusion of her stomach. He opened his eyes for a second and stared at her, or more accurately, into her.

 

“Is this, I mean, can we, is it ok?” He asked tentatively, hand around her waist steadying her, shaft erect against her inner thigh making her weaker than ever. She was momentarily reminded of how much he’d missed. The doctors. The questions.

 

She nodded. “It’s fine. As long as you want to, it’s not going to harm anyone.”

 

\--

 

_Veronica had finally been able to email Logan when she got back to her dad’s. She let him know she was fine, not to worry, and hopefully they’d get a chance to talk in the next couple days. They’d found a time that Thursday._

_So there she was, at her dad’s dining room table, waiting for Logan to call-in._

_A familiar beep came from her computer and she smiled, eager and nervous to see the face on the other side._

_“Hi stranger,”  he said. His face was a little choppy, but she could tell he was relieved to see her._

_“Hey, sorry I missed our last talk.”_

_“Is everything ok?”_

_“I’m fine.” She was happy to see him, but she’d been dreading this conversation for 48 hours. “I have to tell you something though.”_

_“Haven’t I heard this before?”_

_“There was a minor accident. I’m so sorry, your car...” she didn’t get to finish when he cut in._

_“Are you ok?” He lowered his voice, now alight with the worry she’d dreaded. “Both of you?”_

_“I’m fine, Logan. We’re both fine. I promise. It’s just your car…”_

_“I don’t give a shit about my car. I want to know what happened.”_

_Of course he did._

_“I was tailing someone for a case Monday afternoon, outside the Camelot, and as I turned to leave a car ran a light and hit the driver’s side. But I promise, just couple cuts and bruises on my arm. I spoke to the doctor and the baby is good too.”_

_“Is that why you missed our call?”_

_“Yes…”_

_“Our call was supposed to be Tuesday morning, you said this happened Monday afternoon.”_

_“They kept me overnight.”_

_“Why?”_

_“I wasn’t really in a state to leave Monday that’s all.”_

_“Why not?”_

_“I may have lost consciousness for a little while. Logan, please don’t lose it. I’m ok, better than ok, I feel really good. The doctor gave me the ok to go home and my dad’s been taking care of me, although I don’t need to be taken care of. I’m fine.” She knew she sounded exasperated but she’d spent the last two days answering calls and texts from Mac and Wallace assuring them that she doing well and if they didn’t stop asking they were going to be the ones in the hospital soon enough._

_“Did the accident have to do with the case?”_

_“Maybe.”_

_“Are you fucking kidding me?” She knew he was trying to keep his voice down in case someone came into the room. “You don’t have to like me when I say this, in fact I’m 100% sure you’re going to hate me for it, but stop freaking trailing people. You’re four months pregnant and you’re not 18. ”_

_“Well that’s a little hypocritical don’t you think? You’re off flying fighter jets in a war zone.”_

_“I’m not pregnant. And I don’t really give a shit if it’s hypocritical. I don’t want you getting hurt.”_

_“I don’t want you getting hurt either. You think I don’t worry about you, too? I do, all the time.”_

_“I’m sorry about that, I am, but I can’t help that right now. You can.”_

_“It’s my job, just like it’s yours.”_

_“Veronica I don’t want to keep arguing with you about this, and it’s not like you’ll listen to me anyways. You’re going to what you want and I’m going to hate every minute of it.”_

_He was silent and they just sat there momentarily._

_Almost inaudibly he broke the silence. “I can’t lose you again Veronica. I can’t. I can’t lose either of you.”_

_Her lip curled upward slightly to the left. “Well you’ll be happy to know I’ve been put out of commission. You may not be able to stop me, but the boss man is having better success. He and Mac have me on tight lockdown. I think I spotted a tail on me when I went for ice cream last night.”_

_“Good. Maybe it’s not fair but so what. Neither is life.” He was shaking a little still and she knew he wanted to say more, but wouldn’t. He was thousands of miles away and wouldn’t be able to rescue her if need be this time. It was killing him and she knew it._

_“You’re not going to lose me Logan.”_

_“You can’t promise that.”_

_“No, neither can you. But we’re going to be parents now. Seems like as good a time as ever to start trusting each other.”_

\--

 

“You sure? We don’t have to.” She had only ever known Logan to be timid with her once, after he found out she had been raped.

 

Instinctively she pushed forward toward him and kissed him as deeply as she could, sharing a breath as they inhaled and exhaled in rhythm. “I’ve missed you too. Who says I want to stop.”

 

Earlier, when Logan had seen her for the first time she felt embarrassed. It was only natural she looked different, but she couldn’t help feeling a little bit self-conscious. Logan had been with models and pop stars. That was tough enough to reconcile when she’d been fit and tiny. He hadn’t been with her for six months, adjusting to each new inch at a time. Now he was seeing her in a completely different state, the after in a before-after spread. Yet, he didn’t pull away, didn’t make her feel different. In fact, until that moment he’d made her feel no different than the last time.

 

“Well if that’s what you want…” He sat back up, reaching a hand around to unhook her bra, burying his face into her chest, kissing and licking and nibbling his way to her collarbone. She shook off her bra. One perk of the pregnancy, there was substantially more for him to explore there.

 

She got up, removing the shorts she had been wearing and slowly pulling his boxers off as he arched his back to let her. Grabbing onto her hips, he slowly eased her on to of him.

 

“Ehhhmmm.”

 

\--

 

I _t had been a little over a month and a half since Logan has returned to Afghanistan. They talked weekly, exchanged emails, but she missed him in a way she never had before. And then there was that nagging feeling that something was wrong. She looked at the calendar. Then she picked up her keys and headed out the door._

_She drove past the first drugstore, then the second, and on and on until she was safely out of Neptune. Arizona would have been preferable but she didn’t have all day. She was using Logan’s car and she knew the risk was too great that someone might see her if she stuck nearby._

_Ducking into a drugstore about five miles outside Neptune, Veronica grabbed a basket and started down each aisle, picking up random, cheap, normal items--eyeliner, candy, shampoo--until she came to the pharmacy section._

_The selection was vast, a quarter of an aisle swathed in baby blue and baby pink. Smiley faces, lines, mathematical symbols. Apparently picking a pregnancy test was an educational lesson in ancient runes._

_She lifted up a couple packages, the most unassuming, bland, clinical looking of the bunch. No way did she want a smiley face looking at her, judging her, on a stick she’d just peed on._

_Picking up a few more completely unnecessary items to pad the basket she strolled to the self-checkout line. She scanned and swiped her items, trying not to look over her shoulder like a guilty party. Come on Veronica, it’s a rite of passage, she thought to herself. Besides there was no one there to judge._

_Walking out to the car, she started the engine and headed down the road. She’d passed an In-N-Burger on the way and figured she might as well get a burger and fries to go along with her all encompassing fear. It drowned sorrows far better than a salad._

_Luckily, the joint was empty and she walked straight into the women’s bathroom where no one was waiting. You can do this, she motivated herself again. It’s not like she’d never been late before. Every time a feeling of doom washed over her, threatening to snap her in half. It had happened twice with Piz, and she’d do everything in her power to forget about it and stop worrying. This was different. Two days later she hadn’t begrudgingly thanked the devil while hunched over in pain. It was a week and still no sign. The Western front was spookily quiet._

_She set her timer and played around on her phone, finding solace in reading work emails. 60 seconds later she saw the alarm pop up on her screen. Ever so slowly she looked over at the test, resting on the little garbage can._

_Two blue lines._

_Wrapping that test in the package and placing it in the garbage, she worked on opening the second package._

_Another minute later and a plus-sign was staring her in the face._

_Deciding the third time might be the charm she lifted the last one and dutifully waited 70 seconds, not being able to will herself to look right away._

_Two more blue lines._

\--

 

“You just don’t get that kind of service in the Navy.” Laying her head on his bare chest, she could feel ever so slightly the perspiration through his soft, thin, United States Navy t-shirt. Up and down his chest went, desperately trying to steady itself.

 

“Happy to serve our country, Capt’n.”

 

“I’ll work on getting you that Medal of Honor.”

 

“I appreciate that.”

 

Placing a kiss just below his collarbone, Veronica pushed herself up and away, sitting on the edge of bed.

 

“Where do you think you’re going lieutenant, I haven’t given you your orders yet.”

 

“The baby would like some water, as would it’s mother after a grueling workout. Can I get you anything?”

 

“A cigarette?” He raised his eyebrows twice in quick succession.

 

She padded through the living room to the kitchen. Reaching for the water pitcher she thought about how much she’d miss this place. She hadn’t actually spent much time there, but it had grown to be her psuedo-home since coming back to Neptune. It was peaceful, quiet (when Dick wasn’t around anyways), and when Logan was deployed she knew she could come and escape here. She could tell earlier Logan was torn about giving up his home, Dick, the life he’d come to genuinely enjoy, but she was surprised by how much it impacted her too.

 

After putting down the pitcher she allowed her hand to touch her stomach briefly, resting there, reminding herself that it was all real.

 

Pouring water in a glass, she replaced the pitcher in the fridge, and started back to Logan’s room.

 

Gulping down a portion of the glass, she placed it on a coaster on the nightstand and slid herself into his bed. Normally she liked to toss and turn before eventually winding up on her stomach with her head to one side. More than once Logan had complained about how such an itty person could take up so much room. Now, however, she was more or less confined to one side or the other. She picked her left and curled the comforter up over her.

 

Next to her, she felt Logan turn around and the brush of his arm against her blanket-protected side.

 

“I’ll be submitting this for the Best Return Home Award at the next convention.”

 

“I imagine many sailors get conjugal performances upon their return.”

 

“Not like that.”

 

“Let me know if I win. Night.”

  
“Good night Veronica.”


	7. Chapter 6

-Chapter 6-

 

“You know how you said that one lawyer looked like he had a face I didn’t want to punch, can we find a new real estate agent that fits the same bill?”

 

“It’s been three houses Logan. He’s just doing his job.”

 

“Well he could do it with a little less jackassery.”

 

She knew finding a house wouldn’t be easy. It’s not that either of them was terribly picky in terms of style, but real estate agents fell one notch below lawyers and just a smidgen above paparazzi in Logan’s book. It wasn’t their fault, really, but real estate agents in Neptune were opportunists, and Logan Echolls and his pregnant fiance were an opportunity.

 

Unfortunately, in order to buy in Neptune, at least those places Logan deemed acceptable to raise a child, they were a necessary evil.

 

“Come on. It’s not that bad. The first place was nice.”

 

“It’s a death trap Veronica.”

 

“Good lord.”

 

They drove on silently following their agent in their new Audi sedan, letting the music, instead of the breeze, fill the empty space.

 

\--

 

_“So I assume you guys will be getting a new car?” Keith asked, eyes honed in on Logan, while Logan carelessly stabbed and twirled a ball of spaghetti like a teenager._

_“Why?” She zeroed back in on her dad, forcing him to address her instead._

_“It’s not a family-friendly car Veronica.”_

_“So? I paid good money to have that thing repaired, I’m not parting with it now.”_

_“It’s Logan’s car, honey, his decision.” Her dad was always good at focusing back on his target and he was clearly targeting Logan._

_“But I thought we were a family? That’s what you just said. Doesn’t that give me some say? Or did he collect a couple cows in the dowry and now I’m supposed to go home, churn butter, and pop out kids for 20 years.”_

_Logan looked up. Family dinners were always a little nerve-wrecking for him. He may be quick-witted and able to keep up with the conversation, but Logan was absolutely terrified of her father and the whole knocking up Veronica thing hadn’t helped dispel his fear any, even if he’d saved her dad’s life once._

_“Your dad’s right. We can’t drive a baby around in that car.”_

_“Ok so we’ll get ANOTHER car. We’ll need two cars anyways since you still have to work when you’re here and I do too.”_

_Her dad and Logan exchanged looks across her. At that moment she was torn amongst feelings of amusement, love, and utter frustration. As much as she loved both of them, and wanted them to respect each other and get along, the thought of them teaming up drove her crazy. Each of them separately on her case about her decision-making was bad enough, together she’d be headed for the state pen any day now._

_“Fine, but at the very least we need another car,” Logan resigned._

_“I’ve heard Volvos are very dependable family cars,” her dad chimed in._

_She dropped her hand to her side to meet Logan’s knee on her right, giving it a light squeeze. She was about to antagonize both of them and she figured she’d let him know she was there and loved him before breaking loose Hellfire._

_“That’s true. Dependable, neutral, perfect for tailing without a spot. Big backseats too.”_

_“Veronica,” they both said in unison--Logan softly as his eyes bugged out of his head, Keith much less softly and patently unamused._

_She grinned._

\--

 

After Logan was cleared, and the initial, “Logan Echolls, free man” headlines wore off, he had been able to slip out of the public eye for awhile, partially because he was off on tour and partially because the public lost interest quickly. It suited him. Without cameras, without the constant reminders of his fame, his dad, he was a more relaxed Logan than she had seen since middle school.

 

However, the 25th anniversary of the release of _Breaking Point_ was coming up and suddenly Aaron Echolls was a figure to be discussed again. His rise to fame, his abuse of Logan, the cheating, and of course Lilly, were back on the front pages of C-level rags, and the interior snapshots of the glossier pubs.

 

Veronica had a number of guesses as to how the paparazzi had discovered Logan was living in sin with his pregnant fiance--that was her name--who had not too long ago gotten him off murder charges (“Scandal: Were Echolls and Fiance Together when Bonnie Died? See inside) but it didn’t matter now who had collected a pay day, just that it was out there and Logan was exposed again.

 

Now, everyone wanted to sell Logan and his baby mamma-to-be a house, among other things, and unfortunately the list of decent candidates was almost non-existent.

 

“We can always look for a place away from the water? Or on base?”

 

“Your dad would have me murdered if I moved you and his grandson or daughter an hour away. I won’t be able to be there all the time. I’m going maximum security here.” She quickly stopped herself from mentioning that hadn’t done Carrie or Lilly much good.

 

“Besides, we can afford it.” He could anyways. Aaron’s estate still rolled in a decent bit of money to go along with his captain’s salary. Veronica on the other hand was working just to pay off law school loans. She’d taken a side job working as a consultant for the DA (much to her dad’s delight she had sat the bar in California so at least her $200,000 wasn’t a complete waste) but that didn’t leave much. Still, she knew this was not a matter to press him on, but they weren’t going to be looking near the former Kane compound either.

 

“I’m going to kill this guy. It’s hard to follow someone if they keep switching lanes every other minute.”

 

“Maybe lay off the murder threats for another six months. Statute of limitations and all.”

 

He just frowned and kept driving, hands clenched around the steering wheel, knuckles almost translucent.

 

\--

 

_“Nothing says, ‘Welcome home,’ like outlining your post-mortem decisions.” He said with a fake smile plastered across his face. “What is it about you lawyers that makes people want to down a handle of whiskey after five minutes?”_

_“There’s an intro class required to pass the bar. It mostly focuses on diminishing people’s self worth, but other topics include smirking, paper shuffling, and buying expensive but ill-fitting clothing.” She turned her head around to see him walking toward her._

_Veronica had taken the morning “off” and was sitting on the couch with her feet up on the coffee table resting the laptop on a pillow near, not on (as she’d been told before, like she needed to be), her bump._

_He tossed his keys on the table and came to sit down next to her. He had been out at his lawyer’s getting a will drawn up. In the past he’d neglected doing it, who was he going to leave shit to anyways, but now that he was going to be a father, and a military one at that, he was navigating the ways of true adulthood, starting with a will. She knew it was stressful for him, not just because it brought up his own mortality, but also because it drudged up a host of past familial ghosts he’d happily never meet again if he could._

_“That was completely fucking depressing.”_

_“Sorry,” she said, leaning into him and kissing his cheek. “All set?”_

_“I have to go back Monday to sign the typed up papers, but yes, Baby Echolls is set to inherit the dwindling fortune of a dead action-star-turned-real-life-killer and his mostly screw up pilot son. Jackpot.”_

_“Logan…”_

_“No it’s fine. It’s true. As much as I hate my dad it’s his cash that paid for most things up until recently. Might as well put the asshole’s money to good use.”_

_“You’re not your dad and you’re not a screw up.” She moved the pillow and laptop from her outstretched legs and placed his hand on her stomach. “This kid is going to be incredibly lucky to have you as a father. You may not see that, but I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t and you know it.”_

 

\--

 

Five excruciatingly long days later Veronica Mars and Logan Echolls put in an offer on a house. Reading the contract with both their names was stranger to her than the living, breathing, embodiment of their relationship sucking nutrients inside her. Babies happen, houses were a choice in her mind. They chose to keep the baby, but they didn’t (consciously anyways) choose to set this process in motion in the first place. On the other hand, the last five days they actively chose, often against their sanity, to buy a house. Together. Ninety-nine percent of the last week she wasn’t entirely sure why, but in the end they both seemed happy.

 

Their offer was quickly accepted and they became the exhausted new owners of a three-bedroom bungalow on the beach. It was small (by Logan’s standards), but not tiny, on a safe street with an acceptable number of children, but set back a distance with trees and an ultra high-tech security system that Veronica could bet wouldn’t deter criminals but which she had kept to herself so as to avoid looking at one more house.

 

She couldn’t remember a time Logan had been so meticulous, so exhaustively specific, and at least as of recently, so on edge. Their kid was due in about two months, and they still had three weeks (a shorter closing they were able to broker in with more cash) until they could move into the house.

 

They had gone over to her dad’s to grab what stuff she needed and store it at Logan’s. Frankly, she didn’t have much, and neither did he, so they’d probably end up buying a lot, another experience sure to test their newly healthy relationship. Being transient by nature doesn’t leave you with a boatload of possessions.

 

Even after more than 18 months back in Neptune there were still unpacked boxes she’d shipped over from New York. She’d packed them so long ago she was afraid to open them, not entirely remembering the contents inside, the little reminders of her life before.

 

\--

 

_“So how’s Piz?” Veronica had wanted to ask for awhile but had never been able to work up the courage. For whatever reason though, she’d done it tonight._

_Across their usual table at Mama Leone’s Wallace and Mac just looked at each other._

_“He’s fine,” Mac answered. It wasn’t an angry response, but they clearly didn’t want to have this conversation._

_Undeterred Veronica plowed on anyways. It was her thing. “I didn’t mean for it to happen. You guys know that, right?”_

_Now it was Wallace’s turn._

_“We know V. Piz knows too. I don’t think he’ll be sending the baby any birthday gifts, but deep down I think he always knew it was Logan. There’s just, I don’t even know, something about you two.”_

_“I really did love him.”_

_“It’s ok Veronica,” Mac said softening. “Long as you’re happy, that’s what counts ultimately. You didn’t cheat on him. Piz’ll be fine. He’ll find someone, keep getting attacked by rats in shitty New York apartments that he can barely afford working for public radio. That’s the life he wants and it isn’t what you wanted.”_

_Veronica thought for a moment about the life she was living. Pregnant, with Logan Echolls’ kid she might add, working with her dad as a PI in Neptune and consulting on the side for the DA. At various points during her life she’d have found all of those ideas repulsive, maybe even as recently as a few years ago. She knew though that life was a sum of its parts. On their own, unwed pregnant private detective living in Neptune of all places with a former ex-boyfriend who was off in the Navy sounded pretty dire. The way they’d come together though, well Veronica wouldn’t have written the story that way herself, but she found herself pretty ‘effin pleased with the result._

_“I’m glad he’s ok,” she said with a small smile._

 

\--

 

“Need to make a quick escape?” Logan was in the spare room surveying the boxes that had built up in the closet. “I know you like to run but you couldn’t have unpacked the box marked clothes?”

 

“I bought new ones. It’s probably mostly winter jackets anyways. Know of any freak snowstorms about to hit Neptune?”

 

“Were you planning to leave eventually?” He was trying to keep it together, not get angry. She heard the slight tremor in his voice as he worked to keep himself even-keeled.

 

Of the two of them, Logan was by far the needier emotionally. They both liked to jump to conclusions, but he needed reassurance from her far more than she needed it from him. Even when she found out she was pregnant, Veronica’s first thoughts were on how would she deal, not how would they deal.

 

“I was not planning to leave. I just didn’t want to go through all this stuff I don’t need. I moved on, I’m happy, why pull out a box of crap and change that.”

 

“You say that now.”

 

She walked around the side of the bed and stood next to him. Reaching for his hand she interlocked her fingers and gently closed them around his palm. “I’m not going anywhere Logan. You have to trust me. Besides, it’s not like I can run like I used. I’ve got at least 15 more pounds to carry around. I’d easily be caught.”

  
With that she let go of his hand, walked over to the pile of boxes, and pulled out a pocket knife, tearing through the tape edge by edge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea when the 25th anniversary of Breaking Point might be, but this is a story based on a group of already fictionalized characters so I'm giving myself some leeway ;) Plus it'd make Logan around 5 when it came out, so that seems reasonable.


	8. Chapter 7

-Chapter 7-

 

It didn’t take long to move what they had into their new home. It was almost embarrassing, actually, how little they accumulated as adults. So for the first week plus they slept peacefully in a bare house with basic necessities like linens, some plates, cups, and silverware, and a big-ass television with Logan’s gaming systems set-up. Taking away the beach ball strapped to her and the absence of a liquor cabinet, their set-up almost resembled that of a normal couple buying their first home out of college.

 

That didn’t last long.

 

Mac, being the incredibly sweet friend she was, planned a baby shower. It wasn’t extravagant. Veronica hadn’t made too many female friends during her time in Neptune, and of the ones she had, a number were since deceased. Instead it became a co-ed affair that ended up including Dick. She couldn’t be mad though, the words Dick and baby shower in the same sentence were enough to put a smile on her face whenever she thought about it.

 

After the party died down--or rather after Logan promptly kicked everyone out at 8:00 pm because when Logan was no longer in the mood for people he was not messing about--they were left with piles of toys, games, clothes, and a number of boxes with pictures she didn’t think were real, and descriptions she was quite certain weren’t in English.

 

“What in the Hell is some of this stuff?”

 

“Spyware? Or at least I’m pretty sure I, ok Mac, could rig it that way.”

 

“Might as well be.”

 

They took inventory, writing down who gave what for thank you notes, and just generally wading through the massive amounts of stuff their child had collected before arriving on this earth. Suddenly their empty house had doubled its possessions without yet adding any occupants.

 

\--

 

_“Good thing this kid likes his or her current digs.”_

_They had just moved into the new house two days ago. Not wanting to move a whole bunch, or hurdle over baby stuff at Dick’s, they’d opted to buy the big ticket items after they moved._

_It wasn’t exactly an ideal situation, but Logan’s military schedule had condensed a lot of their planning by two-thirds. That and the whole not-exactly-planned-pregnancy thing._

_“And who wouldn’t really?” She responded. “Room service. Constant attention. Not having to do anything. Spending all day with moi.”_

_“We’re so screwed.”_

_“Do you mean because we have no idea what we’re doing or because we’re introducing a person into the world who shares our joint genetic makeup?”_

_They were standing in a cutesy baby store with a wretchingly punny name at a complete loss. Not that the last eight months had been easy, but they had at least followed a plan: cut out all things Veronica loved but were deemed “bad,” go to doctor’s appointments, side-eye her dad whenever she pleaded to go out on a case, not relenting nearly as often as she’d hoped. There was stuff to do, but the sheer volume of physical things needed for a tiny little person was completely overwhelming._

_One hour, and several snarky comments from Logan directed toward salespeople, later they had at the very least the bare essentials._

_“Come on, we’re hungry.” She said pulling him out the store before he could make another snipe at the now slightly shaking lady at the register, bags and bags of stuff in hand with even more to be delivered later._

_“Well if this isn’t a sign of the apocalypse my Sunday school teachers really didn’t know what they were talking about.” In front of them stood Eli “Weevil” Navarro, lips pressed together and eyebrows raised in his trademark smirk. Lots of things had changed since she had fled Neptune, Veronica was fairly confident though that Weevil and Logan’s relationship wasn’t likely to be one of those things._

_“I’m pretty sure you didn’t need this moment to tell you that.” She smiled at him. Logan and Weevil may not be best buds, but Veronica and Weevil had a complicated friendship, to put it mildly. When Veronica returned to Neptune she found Weevil married and with a daughter, a 180 degree turn into a straight-edged lower-middle class business owner. After the incident following their high school reunion, in which Weevil was falsely accused of possessing a beretta and attacking Celeste Kane, he had returned to his bike and gang, but Veronica was, at the very least, happy to see him wearing his wedding ring and slacks. The thought of Neptune claiming another victim was too much for her fragile emotional state. Like nearly everyone she knew, Weevil wrestled conflicting desires to escape the binds of his upbringing with a very real loyalty to what got him to where he was in the first place._

_“Weevil.” Logan extended his hand to Weevil who reciprocated. It wasn’t warm exactly, but she was happy to see that they at least weren’t about to square off the in parking lot or reenact a scene from_ West Side Story _._

_“I’m just messing with you V.” He looked tired. Despite her own happiness, she couldn’t help but think about how much Neptune sucked at the moment. Here was someone who had tried so hard to put his past away and the town wouldn’t let him. This is why she had stayed._

_“Anyways, congrats, both of you. It’s actually pretty great this whole kid thing.”_

_“Thanks Weevil. Stop by the office soon. I have some casework I could use your help on.” She could feel Logan rolling his eyes next to her._

_“You’re always asking me for favors Veronica, and what do I get in return?”_

_“I’ve gotten you off murder and theft charges, to name a few.” She protested. “That’s not a favor?”_

_“You get everyone off murder charges.” He raised his eyes his Logan’s direction. “I’ll see you.”_

_As Weevil walked away Logan stood next to her, obviously trying not to say something._

_“See, next thing I know you’ll be hosting slumber parties together,” she said, as she used her free arm to loop through his._

_“Contrary to what you think, there are limits to even what you and this kid can do, Bobcat.”_

_“Wrong.”_

\--

 

“Your Navy buddies were sweet to send stuff,” she said, painstakingly organizing each and every gift into groups: stuff for her, clothes, housewares, toys, things she didn’t entirely understand the function of.

 

“Yeah, they’re good guys,” Logan responded absentmindedly. He was biting down hard on his lip, assembling the crib they had bought on an earlier excursion.

 

“Damnit. Why doesn’t anything have instructions in English? Is that so hard?”

 

Despite herself, she started to laugh. She had known Logan Echolls for the better part of two decades and never imagined she’d see the day he’d be building his own furniture from a boxed set, and not just any furniture, but baby furniture.

 

“You think this is funny? It’ll be on your hands when this thing collapses on our kid. Your hands, not mine.”

 

“Slow your roll there bud. We can always ask my dad or Wallace for help.”

 

“Good, because the people in your life need more excuses to think I’m going to suck at this.”

 

She sighed. “You know, the self-pity thing is unbecoming.”

 

“Yeah, well, you didn’t argue.” He snapped back.

 

“How about I make popcorn?” Veronica was not amused. “I haven’t gotten a front row seat to a Logan Echolls pity party in a while.”

 

“Glad at least I provide entertainment. I’ve got a hat collection I can trot out. I’m thinking of buying a monkey and an organ next.”

 

“It’s good to have goals. Start small and work your way up.”

 

“I think you mean start small and bang your way up. It’s the Echolls’ family motto.”

 

“Oh really? So what’d you get from being with me?”

 

“Still trying to figure that one out. I’ll have my people call your people when I do.”

 

She slapped him on the shoulder.

 

“A personal injury suit? Daddy loves him some ambulance chasers.” At least now he was smiling slightly. There were certain things about the old Logan she missed, his biting tongue was one. Sure it usually didn’t improve situations, but she couldn’t help it. For six months it was like having him tiptoe around her, afraid she was going to make a run for it, or worse be in physical harm. He could still be a wise ass, but rarely was he that way with her.

 

“We’ll call it even with the child support.”

 

\--

 

_After their first conversation Logan was called away on assignment, so they hadn’t talked face-to-face since she’d told him she was pregnant. And keeping it, apparently. They’d exchanged emails, but they were brief and usually void of much substance._

_As Veronica logged onto Skype she thought she might be more nervous than she had been two weeks ago. Then she hadn’t made a final decision, there was time to turn back. If Logan had been angry or cold then, sure it would have hurt, but she didn’t have expectations. Now, she’d told people, let herself picture this life briefly. If Logan had changed his mind, gotten cold feet, she was on her own._

_“Hey stranger.” He was smiling at her, but she could tell there was a timidness to his actions._

_“Hi yourself.” She smiled back, settling herself._

_Neither really seemed sure what to say, something which was highly unusual for the pair of them._

_“So what’d your dad say?” He was staring at her, or the screen anyways, with an almost anxious look, which wasn’t doing much to calm her nerves._

_“He was supportive. He had questions, but he was mostly just supportive.”_

_“Yeah,” said said skeptically, eyebrows up, in that stereotypically him way. “And Wallace and Mac?”_

_“Them too. They just want what’s best for me.”_

_“And I’m betting that doesn’t usually involve me.”_

_“Actually no one said anything like that, thanks. You don’t have to do this, you know. I can do it alone. If you want out, just snap your fingers.”_

_She wasn’t sure but she thought she might have seen him physically recoil a little._

_“You know damn well that’s not what I want.”_

_“Well the pity party for one you’re throwing reflects otherwise.”_

_“I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant, but let’s face it: none of the most important people in your life have any faith in me as a boyfriend, let alone a father. And I mean it’s not like I can blame them here.”_

_“First of all, that’s not true. Just because they have reservations doesn’t mean they have zero faith. Second of all, you’re missing one really important person who believes in you. Me.” At that moment she wasn’t entirely sure she really did, but she knew if she didn’t say it he’d never believe it himself--and that was a scary path she didn’t want to explore again._

_This seemed to relax him a little._

_“I told some of the guys. I read online you’re not supposed to yet, but when you’re stuck in a cockpit with a guy you tend to just shoot the breeze, I think they might say.” He smiled a little. “Plus there was no way you weren’t telling Wallace as soon as you hung up with me last time.”_

_She blushed, he really did know her scarily well._

_“You were really reading about babies online?” She grinned._

_“Of course that’s what you focused on.”_

_“It was either that or a cockpit joke._

\--

 

The next few days were spent doing just about everything one can imagine expectant parents doing, and a few that maybe weren’t on the typical docket. They made a plan, packed an overnight bag, decorated the baby’s room in the least offensive, gender neutral, decor they could scrounge up. It was all very domestic and weird. Not a bad weird, but definitely weird.

 

Logan and her dad had also spent the past few days trying to get her to stay home, to no avail. So what if she was constantly miserable, there was work to be done and sitting in an empty house wasn’t going to change the aches and pains. Also, the fact that it bothered them both gave her a little rise. Soon-to-be-mom or not, she wasn’t going to kowtow to her rebellious side now.

 

Instead, she picked up and headed into the office each day, albeit super early so that Logan could make it to base. She’d ask her dad to drive her but she was pretty sure he purposely wouldn’t show; she had more leverage with Logan.

 

“Can we take the convertible today? Pretty please?” She looked up at him with wide eyes and the slightest of pouts.

 

“Grown accustomed to that car? I thought only rich assholes drove fancy cars.”

 

“Well I learned my lesson.”

 

They got into the Beemer and Veronica felt a jolt of energy. It wasn’t that she resented the changes of the past nine months, but she did miss certain things, and the feel of the convertible, with it’s open top and pure strength, was one of them.

 

It wasn’t a far drive to the office, but it was far enough for her to really enjoy the breeze and the fresh open air that made Southern California so alive.

 

“You ready?” They had pulled into the parking lot and we’re embracing a few peaceful solitary moments. It was too early for anyone else to be in, and only the cafes were open. Any day now their solitude would be interrupted for good, or at least the foreseeable future.

 

“To be a dad?” He snorted at her. “No.”

 

Then he smiled. “To meet our kid? Yeah. I have no idea what I’m doing, but I’m looking forward to it.”

 

She kissed him on the cheek as she got out of the passenger side.

  
“Sap.” But as she smiled and walked away her heart melted just a little.


	9. Chapter 8

-Chapter 8-

 

“Mars, Veronica Mars. What room is she in?” She heard the man’s voice down the hall, trying to keep cool but not having a ton of success. “Look my fiance is somewhere in this hospital about to give birth. If you think you’re going to keep me out of there you clearly haven’t read too many tabloids.”

 

Logan, geez.

 

“Now I’m asking you again, sir, to please calm down. We’re not trying to keep you away from your fiance. I just need your name and ID.”

 

“Here, take it.” She heard his voice spit out.

 

“Thank you Mr. Echolls. Ms. Mars is in room 315.”

 

Veronica wasn’t sure if Logan said anything else because at that moment she felt a pain rip through her, starting in her back and moving frontward at a rapid pace. Squeezing the stress ball the kind nurse had left for her, she tried to steady her breathing, remembering the instructor’s words from her Lamaze class. Breathe Veronica, just breathe in and out. She clamped her eyes shut in conjunction with the foam ball and focused on her breathing. Slowly, seemingly a forever amount of time later, the pain began to dull. As she opened her eyes she saw Logan standing there, just inside the doorway, a look of sheer terror plastered on his face, all color drained from him.

 

“All that planning, out the window,” she smiled weakly at him. Attempting to comfort him she went on, “It was just a contraction.”

 

“Everything is ok? You’re both ok and everything is normal?”

 

“Minus excruciating pain and a person threatening to exit my body, yes everything is fine and normal.”

 

He gained a little composure and walked over to her, taking the chair next to the bed and dragging it closer. He sat down.

 

“You don’t just send someone a text that says, ‘Hey Logan. Hope your day is going well! Just wanted to let you know I went into labor and these nice men in an ambulance are going to take me to Neptune General. I’ll see you when you get there. Love you.’ You don’t just do that to a person. You don’t just cheerfully tell someone you’re in an ambulance and in labor. You give details. You call their office.” Water threatened to spill out of his eyes at any moment.

 

“Wow, you really memorized that well.”

 

“I’ve had two hours to think about nothing else.”

 

“I didn’t know how to reach you.”

 

“Yes you did. You’d know how to reach the neighbor’s third cousin if you needed to for a case.”

 

“Ok yes but you were at work and I called the doctor and he said it’d be awhile. I did try and call you a couple of times. I called the base but you were out on maintenance.”

 

“Then you tell them Cpt. Echolls’ fiance is in labor and it’s urgent. God Veronica I’ve spent the hour drive up here going over every possible scenario in my head. I couldn’t reach you. I couldn’t reach the doctor. I couldn’t get any freaking information from the hospital.”

 

She pictured him in her head, white knuckles on the steering wheel, so focused it looked like he was unhinged, which frankly he probably was.

 

“I’m fine. Everything is ok and you’re here now. You’ve just missed me abusing this stress ball the nurse gave to me and I’m pretty sure you need two hands for flying and I’m deceptively strong. The doctor checks in every half an hour or so and the nurses are always in and out of here. So far no one’s had to sedate me so we’re doing well actually.”

 

He stood up and leaned down, cupping her face lightly with his hands. Pressing his forehead against her he looked straight into her eyes. “I love you Veronica,” he sighed, small tears mixing in with his smile. “But if you scare me like that again I’m hiring another tracker for you.”

 

\--

 

_Veronica was five days from her due date and sitting at Mars Investigations alone. It was another beautiful April day, although really what wasn’t in Southern California. Her dad was off in LA for the day working on Mr. Vincent’s case and Mac was consulting for someone else._

_Every ounce of her ached and she had already gotten up four times that morning to use the bathroom. Still, she knew as miserable as she was at the office she’d be that much worse at home, biding her time with a Buffy marathon and thinking. Thinking about how close she was to being responsible for another life 24/7, about how they had only had a little more than three months until Logan deployed again, about how much she wanted to catch Mr. Vincent. They had just had a major breakthrough and she would be damned if just sat around and waited for everyone else to do all the work. So she’d had Logan drop her off at the office despite his protestations on his way to the base for work and got to work._

_Around 8:30 am she felt the first pain radiate from her back, not excruciating, but not pleasant. About fifteen minutes later it happened again. Not one to rush, she calmly measured the time between pains, taking careful notes. Even her pregnancy was researched with a lawyer’s thoroughness. She read online that labor could take up to a day or two, and so she didn’t see a reason to worry anyone. Logan would be back around 6:00 and if things progressed as they were now they might even be able to grab a bite before heading to the hospital. She was feeling hungry._

_So she kept on working and measuring and snacking. She filed a couple of case reports, ate lunch, and tried to take her mind off the increasingly more painful contractions._

_Just before 4:00 pm she noted that the contractions were coming a little more than five and a half minutes apart. Crap, she thought, maybe she wouldn’t make it until Logan got back to pick her up._

_She tried the base and was told he was out for another hour. Next she called her doctor. He had said that while usually they tell expectant mothers to wait until the contractions were about five minutes apart, since she was alone he’d call an ambulance to pick her up and they could admit her now if she was in labor._

_Twenty minutes later EMTs arrived and she was helped into the back of an ambulance. She shot Logan a quick text and headed off to the hospital._

_When she arrived, her doctor met her at the front and helped her get settled. He assured her that while her labor was progressing nicely, it was still going to be awhile. Once in her room, nurses came through periodically to check on her. Quickly firing off texts to her dad, Wallace, and Mac she noticed that her phone had only 5% battery. Damn timer she thought._

_Turning on the tv she settled into her bed best she could and just hoped that Logan would get her message, and not get into an accident on the way over._

\--

 

“Are you here alone?” He looked around, almost incredulous that a member of the Veronica Mars bandwagon wasn’t with her.

 

“Yup. My dad is in LA for a case. Mac is consulting today so I don’t know her schedule. And Wallace should have finished up post-season practice a little awhile ago. My phone died so I have no way of knowing if anyone responded.”

 

“I’ll let Mac and Wallace know. I’m also going to call your dad. Now.”

 

“But he’s so close on this case. I don’t want him to come back for me.”

 

“Veronica he should be here. Plus, he will find a way to blame me if he misses it. I should let you know though, when I didn’t know if I would make it back I called someone to check on you. Please don’t be upset.”

 

She was about to protest when she heard a voice coming into the room.

 

“Hey there Ronnie!”

 

Just then she felt another contraction coming on. She grabbed Logan’s hand and clamped down hard, even harder than the pain called for. Through gritted teeth she muttered loudly, “Dick.”

 

\--

  


_They were packing up the last of Logan’s belongings. He was walking around the bungalow aimlessly, pretending to check off everything he needed. Instead, she could tell he was saying goodbye silently, letting go of the memories of his house for the last five years. A house that was his or at least partially his, that he liked, one he wanted to go to, be in; his home._

_“Think it was right here?” He was smirking, staring at the couch._

_“What?” Veronica on the other hand was all business, checking in closets, drawers, doing the exact opposite of dwelling. As soon as she joined Logan in remembering she’d also begin her obsessive worrying over everything that was left to do._

_“The point of insemination.”_

_She made a face. “Classy.”_

_“Research purposes. In case we ever find ourselves wanting to be in this situation again I want to know what worked.”_

_He walked over to her spot near the front closet where she was now lingering carelessly, exactly what she’d worked to avoid. Kissing her on the forehead, he looked at her boyishly and said, “Maybe I should ask Dick if I can have it, for memories’ sake.”_

_“Absolutely not.”_

_“That’s true, probably holds some memories for him too.”_

_“Blech.” Now she really did feel sick._

_He smiled at her warmly. “Your choice. Either way I’ll always know what happened here.”_

_“Yeah, and what’s that?” She teased._

_“Our family. Hands down, best gin joint in town here at Casablancas’.”_

_Smiling up at him she raised an eyebrow and cocked her head toward the bedroom. “Could have been the bed the night before too, Don.”_

_“Luckily we’re bringing that with us.”_

 

\--

 

Logan leaned into her ear and whispered, “I’m sorry. Just breathe baby, breathe.” Whether this advice applied to the contraction or the appearance of Dick wasn’t entirely clear.

 

A minute later the pain subsided and she glared over at Dick who looked thoroughly uncomfortable.

 

“Hey man, thanks for coming,” Logan walked over to him and patted him the back. Dick looked like he’d seen a ghost. It was a safe assumption to say that he hadn’t been around too many pregnant women and it was no secret he was already a little afraid of Veronica before this moment.

 

“Is she ok?” She heard him whisper to Logan.

 

“I’m fine. Pregnancy doesn’t cause you to go deaf you know.”

 

Logan smirked and Dick just stood there, rooted in place.

 

“I, uh, I brought this.” Dick held up a plastic bag and pulled out a small bear dressed in a sailor’s outfit with USS George Washington written on the chest. “I bought it when I was down near the base last time. I just figured, you know, with Logan and all.”

 

Veronica fought back the slightest tear and looked over at the stuttering man-child in front of her. She’d known Dick Casablancas for over fifteen years. Never did she think this moment would happen. “Thanks Dick, that’s incredibly sweet.” She smiled.

 

“Thanks man. This is great. Really.”

 

“So I guess now that Logan’s here I should head out.”

 

“Only if you want. I’m sure Logan would be happy to have you here for support. We both would.”

 

“Ok well maybe I’ll just go out to the waiting room for a little while.”

 

Logan followed him out in the hall to go call her dad and Veronica looked at the stuffed bear on the table, listening to the cacophony of machines around her.

 

\--

 

A minute later Wallace walked into the room.

 

“You know Dick’s out there, right?” He had one eyebrow cocked to the left, and he was carrying a bouquet of flowers and a stuffed basketball.

 

“Yup. Couldn’t resist could you?”

 

“Nope,” Wallace grinned. “This kid is going to come out shooting.”

 

“Please Fennel, with the kid’s background, can we find a different word?” She laughed.

 

“Sorry it took me so long. I didn’t see your message and I couldn’t get a hold of you. Mac is on her way.”

 

“Don’t worry. I appreciate you coming, and the gifts of course.”

 

He came over and grabbed her hand.

 

“I’d probably move your hand in another two minutes if you ever want to dribble a basketball again. Just a warning.”

 

“Logan here?”

 

“Yeah, he’s out in the hall trying to reach my dad.”

 

“Poor guy.”

 

“Hey!”

 

“I don’t envy having to answer to your dad on matters of your well being, that’s all. You know I love Mr. Mars, but he’s a scary guy when it comes to you.”

 

“I’m pretty sure Logan was more scared to face my dad than have a kid.”

 

“Your dad has been trying to reach you,” Logan said as he walked in, not yet noticing Wallace. “He said he’s on his way, he loves you, don’t ever forget your cell phone charger again, and we got the sum bitch. I’m still here, so I’m 98% sure he’s not referring to me this time.

 

“Hey man,” he said, finally noticing Wallace next to her. “Thanks for coming.”

 

Wallace turned to Logan and nodded.

 

“Of course. Anything you guys need.”

 

For the second time in about five minutes Veronica thought she might cry. Logan and Wallace were hardly friends but they had started to warm up to each other recently.

 

“Ugh.” She didn’t want to ruin the moment but she felt another contraction coming on. Logan slipped over to her and grabbed her hand again. The Navy had really taught him to take charge, and while normally she found it an exasperating new trait to contend with, she appreciated it right now more than she’d ever let him know.

 

“How long until my dad gets here?” She asked after the pain subsided once more. She didn’t want to admit it, but she really did want him there right now.

 

“He said he had left LA about an hour ago so about an hour with traffic. He wants to be here. You’d be so proud of us. We had a whole conversation and only one passive aggressive comment and some honest to goodness words of encouragement. It turns out he likes me, he really likes me.”

 

Veronica had to laugh at Logan’s both genuine and genuinely fake enthusiasm about his conversation with her dad.

 

“I think you owe your soon to be child a pretty nice gift for bringing you two together.”

 

“Heck if it gets me off your dad’s hit list I’ll buy him or her a Ferrari for their sixteenth birthday.”

 

“You will not.”

 

\--

 

Ten minutes later Mac showed up, followed closely by the doctor.

 

“Hi Logan. Glad you were able to make it. It looks like we’re still a little ways away but definitely closer.”

 

“Yeah, me too. I didn’t exactly get the message right away.” He shot a look and Veronica and she just shrugged and smiled. “Everything’s ok, with Veronica and the baby?”

 

“Let’s take a look.” The doctor looked at the monitor next to her and then just below the sheet. Not knowing how to react to this abrupt violation of space, Logan just stood there next to her awkwardly.

 

“Everything looks good. I’d say we’re getting mighty close to show time. Maybe just another hour or two.

 

“I’ll be back in a half hour. Good to see you Logan.”

 

“Personable fellow.” Logan whispered after he left the room.

 

“He’s a good doctor.” She sighed. “And you haven’t punched him so I’m willing to dismiss his less than amazing bedside manner.”

 

“As long as you’re healthy and the baby is healthy, he’ll get a fruit basket from me.”

 

\--

 

_“You must be the dad.” Veronica’s doctor entered the exam room in the nick of time. Five more minutes and her kid might not have had a father. For twenty minutes Veronica sat on a paper covered vinyl examining room table as Logan paced. It was driving her crazy._

_“Logan.” He extended a hand which the doctor briefly shook before turning his attention to Veronica._

_“Feeling ok? Any lingering morning sickness?” At this Logan looked at her. She maybe left out that whole two months she’d spent clinging to the porcelain throne off and on. It wasn’t really the kind of thing you wanted to say over Skype._

_“Nope. Feeling great.”_

_“Alright then, let’s a take a look.”_

_The jelly felt cold against stomach as the doctor placed a dab down and slowly moved the instrument over her tummy._

_Logan reached for her hand and stared at the screen mesmerized. It was his first doctor’s appointment with her and he was completely out of his element._

_“Do you want to know the sex?”_

_“No. We’re ok,” she said gently._

_He’d never said it directly, but Veronica knew Logan worried about having a son, about continuing on a family legacy he worked so hard to put to bed. There was a 50/50 chance, though, and she figured not knowing was better than possibly living in fear for three months._

_“Very well then. Everything looks on track. Your baby looks healthy and your blood pressure is all good.” That too was met with a look from Logan that she quickly fought off. It just would have meant an additional conversation about the accident and her blood work that she didn’t want to deal with right then._

_“See for yourself.” But Logan’s eyes were already there, having taken only brief timeouts to shoot Veronica questioning glances. He stared at the screen so intently it was like he was watching a hypnotist at work. In front of him was the first real sign of their baby, the little movements, the sound of the heartbeat. When he felt the baby kick she watched as his eyes lit up. Now it was like the circus has setup shop right in front of him. He could not stop smiling._

_The doctor handed Logan a sonogram picture which he carefully held onto in his free hand._

_“Well folks, we’ll see you in a month.” And with that the doctor walked out, leaving a still speechless Logan staring at the photo._

 

\--

 

An hour later Keith Mars burst into the room perspiring slightly and a little confused. Immediately Logan dropped her hand. It was silly. They were literally in a hospital room awaiting the arrival of their child. Who were they kidding? Yet, he did it anyways.

 

“Did you know Dick Casablancas is in the waiting room?”

 

“Yup. Logan asked him to come.” She shot her father a be nice look.

 

“Well he’s holding court amongst a gaggle of thirty-something females. Something about being here to support his friend through the miracle of birth.”

 

“That’s Dick.” Logan smirked.

 

“Wallace and Mac here?”

 

“They went to go get food.”

 

Sensing an impending daddy-daughter moment Logan stood up. “I’m going to grab some more ice chips. Can I get you anything Mr. Mars?”

 

“Keith, please. Grandpa soon enough.”

 

“Will do.” Logan smiled and scratched the back of his head before heading out, another of his nervous ticks.

 

“You ready for this, kid?” Keith turned to her and smiled, grabbing her hand.

 

“Are you Gramps?”

 

Damnit another contraction, just in time to ruin their precious father-daughter moment. Filling in for Logan, Keith held her hand just as he had when she was little and not feeling well.

 

“I’m so proud of you baby girl,” he whispered to her after the latest contraction abated. “I will never stop wanting more for you than this life, than Neptune, but you stuck to your guns and you’ve made it work. Now look at you, your own family.” He planted a kiss on her forehead and squeezed her hand before letting go.

 

She really had to stop tearing up sooner or later.

 

“Thanks Dad.”

 

Veronica saw Logan out of the corner of her eye standing in the doorway and nodded her head for him to come.

 

“Take care of them Logan.” Keith placed a hand gently on his back. “They’re the most important things I’ve got.”

 

“Me too.”

 

“You must be the grandpa?” The doctor was back.

 

“Keith Mars.” He stuck out a hand. “How’re my little girl and grandchild.”

 

“Everything seems to progressing along well. If you don’t mind I’m going to ask you to leave and we may just be ready to get the show on the road.”

 

“Done.”

 

Keith smiled nervously at Veronica as he walked out, a look that screamed both joy and total parental fear.

 

“How are you two doing Veronica?”

 

“You guys keep telling me bursts of pain are a good thing so apparently really well.” She grimaced.

 

“Well I’ve got good news. You’re ready. We’ll get you prepped for delivery. I assume you’ll be joining us Logan?”

 

“Ask your nurses, you couldn’t keep me away.”

 

\--

 

“It’s a boy.”

 

An hour and a half later Veronica slumped her head back, exhausted, crying, smiling, even laughing slightly. The doctor held up a tiny red thing, covered in goo, in front of her.

 

“You did it Bobcat.” Logan was smiling wider than she had ever seen, eyes brimming with big wet tears. “You were amazing.”

 

“I try.”

 

“Want to cut the umbilical cord dad?”

 

A minute later Logan brought over their son, wrapped in a blue blanket and hat, the tiniest thing, still red but clean now. She sat up and Logan gently placed their son in her arms. Never had she loved anything more.

  
“Hi there baby boy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never been in labor.


	10. Chapter 9

-Chapter 9-

 

“So we should probably find a name for this little guy.” Logan was sitting in the cream-colored stuffed hospital-issue chair, their newborn son cradled in his arms. He laid a finger gently on their son’s nose, smiling so warmly she could feel the heat radiating from the hospital bed.

 

“What about Chase?” She wasn’t entirely sure where she got it from, but out of her mouth it flew anyways.

 

“As in thrill of the?” He looked up and over at Veronica with a look of questioning.  

 

“Or police.”

 

“Chase.” He repeated it to their son. “Chase Echolls.”

 

“Hey, look at that, the headline’s already written.”

 

He didn’t even quip back, just sighed and continued smiling down at Chase, unable to tear his eyes from him.

 

\--

 

_They were settled into the couch, half watching a movie, half enjoying the utter nothingness they had to do. Preparing for a kid is tough with nine months, three should earn them some sort of prize she thought. Tonight their prize was simply a night off._

_“So apparently you were snorting lines of coke last night off strippers in a penthouse and it’s the final straw for me,” she said, turning her head back toward him. She was sitting with her back against the couch’s arm rest, her legs draped over Logan’s propped up on the coffee table perpendicular to her. Headlines about the pair, or more specifically about Logan and his other high school sweetheart (she’d progressed, she guessed, from baby mamma) were getting more frequent._

_“Oh yeah? Well they got that one wrong. It was heroin in the back of an LA club, and I still see you here so apparently that was only strike two.”_

_“That’s what you think. I’m just biding my time until the child support payments roll through and then I’m out of this place bucko.”_

_“Veronica…” He trailed off, his tone turning serious. “You know you’re not getting a dime.”_

_It was nice to have the old Logan back, even if for one night. Sitting in their living room and watching TV, sparing, it seemed like forever ago that they had just been normal. She wondered briefly if they’d ever been normal, then remembered scattered nights here and there throughout their various courtships where’d they found brief respites among the chaos._

_While she’d learned to accept his savior mentality to an extent, his growing protectiveness over her and the living being inside her was driving her mad. After she returned to Neptune he had given her space to be herself, recognizing that she too had grown up and had learned limits, even if they were few. Now that her womb served as base camp for their unborn child, his vigilance had come bounding back._

_“Wyatt Echolls. There’s a nice, strong name.” For possibly the thousandth time they were watching_ Easy Rider _._

_“What if it’s a girl?”_

_“Billy.”_

_“I’m sorry, this kid is already going to be around Dick enough. The cartel stops there.”_

_“Maybe the next one?”_

_“Next one? Call me when you want to give up alcohol and coffee and seeing your feet for nine months. Then we’ll talk.”_

_“Never say never Mars.”_

_“Ok, will I’m getting my tubes tied work instead?”_

 

\--

 

A knock rapped on the door at 9:00 am. Visiting hours had ended before their son’s arrival but she knew there were at least a few people who had likely slept in the waiting room.

 

“Visiting hours started one minute ago, I’m coming in.”

 

Wearing the same clothes as yesterday, Keith Mars popped his head into the room, disheveled but smiling ear-to-ear. Logan had gone to the waiting room after Chase, or Baby Boy Echolls at the time, was born to tell the group. Everyone was still there, their little ragtag group of her dad, Wallace, Mac, and, to everyone’s surprise, Dick.

 

“Hi honey. How are you?”

 

“Dad, I want you to meet your grandson. Chase Mars Echolls.”

 

Logan stood up, still holding onto their son like he was glued to him, and walked over to Keith. He just looked at her dad and nodded, a smile still frozen on his face, as he handed Chase over to him.

 

Keith looked down, smiling and rocking her son gently for a minute.

 

“Who's your grandaddy?” He whispered to Chase.

 

At that, Veronica lost it again. The drops trickled down her face as she beamed with love, and a little bit of overwhelming fatigue. Logan walked over to her and brushed a stray hair out of her face as he bent down and kissed her forehead. Less than 24 hours ago he wouldn’t even hold her hand with her dad in the room, but the last twelve hours had changed everything, again.

 

“He’s beautiful Veronica.” Her dad looked over her son at both of them. “And Logan. You did good.”

 

She figured it was probably the single biggest endorsement her dad would ever give Logan, acknowledging his role in bringing them to this moment, healthy 7 lb 6 oz grandson in his arms.

 

“Thanks Gramps. Feeling old?”

 

“In my prime baby.”

 

\--

 

“So don’t kill me,” Logan said walking into the room. He had left, very briefly, to check in with the base after letting them know late last night why he wouldn’t be in today. “But Dick wants to come in. He did sleep out there.” He raised his eyebrows in a you-know-I’m-right way.

 

“Fine, but one comment about strippers and I’m kicking him out.”

 

“Seems fair enough. It’ll make for a quick introduction.”

 

A minute later Logan returned with a bleary-eyed Dick. To be fair, that was how Dick often looked, but she almost felt bad for him. It clearly meant a lot to Logan to have him there, and she imagined her own little family unit hadn’t spent a lot of time talking to him last night. She was surprised he’d actually slept there, but as she and Logan became more and more of a family, she’d learned just how much of a family Logan and Dick were too. They had a shared childhood to which few others could relate and a friendship that truthfully spanned longer than any of hers. Like it or not, there was no detaching Dick Casablancas from her life.  

 

“Dick this is Chase.” Logan picked up their son out of the in-room bassinet.

 

“Subtle.” Dick snorted.

 

“Don’t mess with a sleepless mama bear. Sharp teeth. No fear.”

 

“I try not to mess with you ever Ronnie.”

 

Logan cautiously handed Chase to Dick, who held him surprisingly tenderly. Veronica couldn’t help but wonder how many older women with children he had accidentally slept with to know what to do.

 

“Hey there little dude,” Dick said looking down at Chase. “We’re going to have fun, you and your Uncle Dick. I’ve already got your sixteenth birthday trip to TJ mapped out.”

 

“No.” They both yelled quietly and in unison: Logan’s usually straight face even less forgiving, Veronica’s eyes narrowed sharply on Dick.

 

“Relax. I’m just kidding. Geez you guys really took this parenting thing quick.” He rolled his eyes as he played with Chase. “Remember kid, your dad used to be fun once. We’ll get to those stories later.”

 

\--

 

The rest of the morning came and went with nurses and complicated instructions, and a few other special visitors.

 

“Of course you named your son Chase,” Mac said as she sidled up next to her, holding Chase in her arms. “Case is too Southern, but Chase has that real California thing going.”

 

“I’m a literal person Mac, you know I don’t speak in tongues and metaphors.”

 

“Nope.”

 

They were alone for a few minutes. Logan had finally left the room to go grab her overnight bag. It took all of her strength to get him to leave for 45 minutes, she worried what it was going to be like three months from now. Her dad and Wallace both offered to grab it, but she knew Logan needed to get out, or at the very least she needed Logan out of the room for a little.

 

“So how was it? Gruesome? Awful?”

 

Veronica was pretty sure after her own childhood that Mac never wanted kids. Truth be told neither really had she until a forgotten bit of latex sorted out the details for her anyways. She knew she loved this kid, but she was also certain Mommy and Me wasn’t going to be her favorite activity, although she attributed that more to the moms she’d met previously in Lamaze than the kids themselves.

 

“Horrible. The worst thing ever.” She smiled. It was true, it had ranked up there in the worst pain Veronica had ever felt, and that was a list that included being tasered, beaten, and locked up.

 

“Good.” Mac returned her smile. “Now I can just play with Chase instead.”

 

“Anytime. But fair warning, you’re going to have to physically pry him away from Logan until his next deployment.”

 

“Yeah, he seems so happy. I’ve never seen Logan smile so much. Not even when he came to school baked.”

 

“It’s like he’s been lobotomized; it’s kinda freaking me out, in a good way, but still.” She laughed.

 

“It suits him. You too. Maybe I won’t have to track down your whereabouts for your dad every time you go out for coffee and come back three hours later.”

 

“Like Hell you won’t. You’ll just be babysitting while I’m gone.”

 

“Knock, knock.” Wallace walked in and joined their little party. “Guess who was able to slip a little bit of candy and Fanta past the nurse.”

 

“You’re a Godsend Fennel.”

 

“I know, I know. I keep trying to tell the ladies that.”

 

Veronica and Mac rolled their eyes at each other before breaking out in a laugh.

 

“Can I hold him?” Wallace asked.

 

“‘Course you can buddy. Chase, meet your Uncle Wallace”

 

She handed her son over to Wallace, her closest confidant for 13 years. Wallace had been there for her when no one else, besides her dad, had. He was the closest thing she had to a brother.

 

“Hey there little guy,” Wallace said, looking down at her son. “I just wanted to let you know I’ve always got your back kid. Your mom, she’s like my sister, and that makes you family. Whenever she gets crazy or you need anything, I’m there. And don’t you dare let anyone else teach you how to ball.”

 

\--

 

_“Are we going to go through this every time you leave? Because you’re in the Navy. Newsflash here buddy, it’s going to happen.”_

_It was weeks before her due date and Logan was scheduled for a training mission that would take him away for a few nights. At first she thought he might go AWOL, but she had ultimately convinced him she would survive and his fugitive status with the government would make raising a kid hard. Several calls to the doctor to get the seal of approval later, Logan stood at their front door waiting to drop Veronica off at her dad’s--who was more than happy to finally take Logan’s side and insist she stay with him and not alone._

_“No. I’ve already asked Wallace to stay here when I’m deployed.”_

_“Excuse me, what?” She nearly choked on nothing more than absurdity of his statement._

_“I told him I’d cover his rent and he could crash here with you, or he and Mac could take turns. Whatever worked.”_

_“Again, what?”_

_“He said he’d be happy to, although he also said I was embarking on a suicide mission coming to him before you and that I was asking to make the arrangement permanent.”_

_“So were you ever going to tell me about this or just wait until Wallace showed up at the door after you’d left? You had no right to go behind my back. You had no right to consider it really.”_

_“That’s probably true, and I know you hate asking for help, but I don’t care. You have people who want to help you Veronica, let them.”_

_“Plenty of women raise kids on their own--for eighteen years--you’re going to be gone six months.”_

_“And? So what if they do? It doesn’t mean you have to. This isn’t just about us anymore. I long ago gave up trying to stop you from doing frankly often idiotic things, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have some say in how we raise our kid. Our kid. Half mine._

_“You’re going to be an incredible mom, but you shouldn’t have to do it all alone. Just please, let me help you the only way I can.”_

_He was pleading with her now._

_“You still should have come to me first. Wallace is a single guy in his late 20s, he likes bringing girls home and going out, not being woken up by a screaming infant. You of all people should understand that.”_

_“Do you really think he doesn’t want to do this, or that he’d have any problem telling me no to my face. Come on, I’m not on an island here. Even if you don’t need it, people want to help you. Do you know how lucky you are? Do you know how many people want to help me? You, and maybe Dick, and the guys in my unit. Otherwise people aren’t exactly lining up to do things for me that don’t involve behind the scenes exposes or mandatory work assignments. Trina sent a card.”_

_“We can talk more about this in a few days. I’m not agreeing yet though. How could you not ask me first? I thought we were past this possessive Logan Echolls swoops in to save the day crap.”_

_“I didn’t ask Dick to watch your every move when I was gone the last time. Plus he would have sucked at it.” He smirked briefly before dropping his lips again into a frown. “But I’m not giving up here. You and this kid are my entire life Veronica, and I won’t just sit back. I assumed you had figured that out by now.”_

_She knew there was no use in pushing it now. He still had a long drive down to the base and the last thing she needed was to storm into her dad’s angry, practically begging for him to ask questions. On top of that she knew he was probably right. While she was sure Wallace’s compliance had been contingent on her actually agreeing to the arrangement, she also knew that he’d be more than happy to do so. Family takes care of family, and for over thirteen years that’s what they’d been. Nonetheless she was determined to make sure she didn’t let this set a precedent, remaining silent the entire car ride, letting him know that if he pulled something like this again it’d be a long time before he earned her trust back._

 

\--

 

Logan entered the room half an hour later looking like a scene from a bad baby-themed rom-com. There were deep circles under his eyes, ones that began forming well before 4:00 pm yesterday, and his hair was getting close to needing a cut now that it was cropped short for work. He hadn’t shaved yet and the faintest scruff was forming in patches around his face. Slung across his shoulder was an awkwardly hung diaper bag. In his right hand he had a brown bag, full of food that smelled wonderfully sinful, and dragging from his left was a rolling weekender.

 

“That car seat is never coming out again. Ever. It took me half an hour to have any clue what the instructions were saying and that was only after I consulted my pocket guide to gibberish languages.”

 

“Well aren’t you a ball of sunshine?”

 

“I think you mean ray.”

 

“Eh. Semantics.”

 

“Where’s Chase?”

 

“In the nursery. We’re both supposed to be sleeping. Don’t tell.” She put a finger to her lips and smiled.

 

“How are you?”

 

“Well since that tiny person you met last night is no longer trying to burrow out of me, tired. You?”

 

“I’m fine.” Could have fooled her, she thought.

 

“You were so happy when you left. I recall something about smoking Cubans with Dick to celebrate.”

 

“I got a call from my CO wishing me congratulations. He heard you called yesterday and just assumed when I called in this morning.”

 

“Jerk.”

 

“Three months Veronica. Three months. Then I’m gone.”

 

She sat up all the way and motioned for him to sit next to her.

 

“I thought you were always telling me it’s just 180 days. Our story is epic. Some other stuff I’ll remember on more sleep.”

 

“For us, yeah. Not for him. What if he doesn’t remember me? What if he gets hurt or sick and I can’t be there? Is he going to resent me for being absent, because I know what that’s like.”

 

He sat there rigid, left leg crossed slightly over the right as she kissed his shoulder and let her head fall into his side.

 

“First of all, he’s not going to remember any of this. He’ll be nine months old when you return, not nine years. And he’s not going to resent you. You’re not, or better not be, going off to have affairs with other women and snort away your life. You’re going to fly planes for the Navy. You’re a real-life Halloween costume. Chances are someday you’ll probably win the coolest dad award from him for that alone.

 

“I know you’re worried, and I promise you we’ll miss you, but you just have to be safe and come back to us.

 

“Be the best father you can for the next three months and I promise we’ll still be here when you return.”

 

He leaned his head down and met her eyes, they locked for a minute before he caught her mouth in his and kissed her with all the passion they both could muster. Truthfully it wasn’t a lot, but it was enough. They pulled away just slightly out of breath.

 

“Maybe.”

 

“Maybe? Have I ever been wrong?”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's an epilogue I'll post in the next few days, but regardless, thank you for reading my first fanfic attempt!


	11. Chapter 11

-Epilogue-

Veronica turned over, aware she was awake but not wanting to open her eyes. One at a time she lifted an eyelid, expecting to see Logan sleeping peacefully next to her. When her eyes had adjusted, however, he wasn’t there. Carefully lifting herself up she grabbed her phone from the nightstand and snuck down the hallway.

Cautiously she leaned her head into her son’s room, finding Logan turned slightly away from her, their infant son cradled against his bare chest, a towel slung over his shoulder. 

She snapped away, knowing she would always remember this moment in her head, but wanting the photographic evidence nonetheless.

“Did I sleep through him waking up?” She whispered, leaning against the door frame.

Logan turned around.

“Nope, I was the restless boy tonight.” He grinned.

“Logan you didn’t wake him up did you?”

“No Sheriff Mars, you can put the cuffs away. I came in here for a couple minutes and he started to get fussy so I picked him up before he woke you. Free to go now?”

She walked over to him and their infant son. Placing her hands under his tiny armpits she gently lifted him from Logan’s chest and turned him toward hers. 

“Hey there little man,” she breathed. “Keep drawing all this attention and some day you can take the act to Vegas.”

Leaning into her, Logan placed his hand on the small of her back and kissed her head. “You know Echolls and Vegas are a bad mix. Safer to send him to Branson. I hear religious zealots love to save the sons of sinners.”

“Who are you calling a sinner here buddy?”

“Your scarlet ‘A’ is glowing, Hester.”

“Don’t think I’m going to bear my punishment silently.”

“Veronica Mars, silent? Not likely.”

They were both deliriously tired. Neither had slept much since Chase was born two and a half months ago, but there was something peaceful about that moment. It had everything that made them, them. Bickering, banter, love, the feeling of knowing exactly what the other needed. 

Logan had been wrong when he said nothing would change when he returned. Everything had changed. Even still, Veronica had no desire to run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone!


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